Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Sorry about not posting yesterday guys (I'm back, by the way)

I was busy....reading stuff....on this Slender Man dude. Okay, can someone say Creeperstein? How many people does this guy stalk anyways? I lost count after the tenth blog (not that I was counting in the first place). Yes, I admit, I was sort of stupid to believe that this shit wasn't real. I realize that now. But since he just killed my best friend I suppose I have no choice now don't I? I mean, what if this guy's stalking me too? I bet he's out there right now, looking out my window...

Only he's not. Heh.

I wonder why, is he busy with all of these other people? Does he follow some sort of schedule? Some people say he can travel through time and space (does this mean he's an extra dimensional alien?), Rebecca had to explain the entire thing to me, and why he managed to disappear with Frank right in front of my eyes. I'm still shaken up about that. I think about him all the time you know? I keep thinking about him, that day, and Frank. But there's always someone else there, someone watching. I know who she is, I know I see her before, but now that she's bothering my friends I want to know her name, her address, everything so I can beat the crap out of her.

Yeah, I'm mad, I'm mad as hell. But it's not Rebecca's fault, so I can't blame her. I don't even know who to blame for all this. I guess I blame myself... even though Rebecca insists that I'm not to blame. "Everyone is in the same boat, some have it worse then others". Who's everyone? The people who write the blogs and post videos on Youtube? Or everyone, everyone. You guys believe that writing about him would make him stronger right? Tulpa Effect or something? So why the hell we do it? I'm an optimist so I like to think it's a sort of confidence booster. Sure, a lot of these blogs are tragic to read, I think I cried once or twice last night. But at the same time reading the blogs touched my heart in a weird, fluttery, way. It makes me want to join them, but as Rebecca said countless times, I really can't. That is unless Josh here can learn to take care of himself. *glares*

I know where I would go if I were to run. New York City. It worked for M right? And I do live in Buffalo. So, why the hell not? I think I thought about stowing away on an airplane during my stay in the hospital... I was pretty depressed. You may not realize it with the way I act around people, but I'd like to say I cried enough to fill a pool. A small pool, not a public pool, but you get the idea. I was supposed to watch Repaul's Drag Race and be tested on it by him. But I can't do that now, I guess. I was really looking forward to it too.

We were also supposed to go to college together, in California. We both got accepted and I already sent most of my stuff in.

Fuck my life.

And to any gay/drag haters right now I want to say one thing from the bottom of my heart: Just once, can you bring yourself to have a bit of compassion? If not, well fuck you then. Everyone have a moment of silence for Frank Anthony Williams Jr.

The watermark at the beginning ruins it, but it's the thought that counts right? Sorry for stealing your picture Rebecca...

I know, it sucks, but I spent all night working on it.

The funeral is this Saturday. There's not going to be a wake. I think they're going to cremate his body and bury the ashes. Or something like that. I'm not sure what they'll do, I've never had to go to a funeral before.

Nobody close to me has died before.

I'm borrowing my mom's little black dress, she has no need for it at the moment, now that she's away. Oh right, didn't I tell you guys? They sent her away to some other hospital, the bastards. Now Dr. Fitzpatrick is completely in charge of me at the moment. I can't say whether or not he's particularly happy, but I'd say he's close to being upset. Well, at least I managed to spend some "quality time" with my mother before she left. And what did I do? I asked her the most idiotic question you could ask your sick mother. I asked her what she knew about Slender Man. Like I said, not the best idea in the world. I have never seen her so angry, I swear she was about to choke me. It's funny, I was more focused on defending myself against the white coats that were trying to restrain her as oppose to defending myself against my crazed mother. Because, she was, you know, my mother. I didn't want to see a bunch of jerks in white holding her down like that regardless of how insane she supposedly is. They make her out to be stupid. Let me tell you this, I know she knows something. Something just keeps her from saying anything, whether it be fear or something else. She started laughing immediately once they managed to hold her down, but I swear she was crying. I could see tears forming from her eyes.

They didn't let me see her again after that. But I managed to talk to Dr. Fitzpatrick about her. Guess what? Apparently he knew her from the time she was my age (actually two years younger). She always had problems, he said. She always would claim that she could see a man, stalking her day in night; on the streets, in her home, in her dreams. Apparently it all began with the death of a best friend, it drove her into a depression worse then mine (although according to him I'm handling this well, yay me). A few months later she met a guy who was supposed to comfort her, she expected him to comfort her, but it turns out he was a jerk who cheated on her and left her when he got another girl pregnant. Something along those lines. My memory's kind of hazy. Once again she went into a state of depression, almost breaking and losing her mind to grief. Church saved her, she actually told me this. Don't ask me how or why, I'm not much of a church person myself to be honest, but the hope that they gave her kept her together. Dr. Fitzpatrick told me he left her alone during those times. But then, some months after her graduation, he heard word that she had come back from boot camp in the Air Force which she planned on going to after high school (I know this because I read her yearbook from the 80s, yeah I'm such a bad girl). I asked him why she was brought back, he told me that she was suffering from psychosis at the time, and having Bi-polar like symptoms at the time. He didn't know what actually happened at the boot camp, apparently. This time it was my dad that saved her. I asked him if he ever witnessed any instances where mom went batshit insane before. He says no, but I feel like he's lying. He wouldn't look me in the face and started crying and hugging me, whispering that we would get through this together. I think that he thought I was bothered by something....

He's right, but I'm not going to tell him anything until he gives me answers. In the meantime I'm going to contact the mysterious troll (or "Bitch" as Rebecca calls her) since apparently she hates Rebecca. And who could blame her? (I'm kidding, by the way).

In the meantime I'll continue to plan for....

Yeah. I don't even think I want to watch Repaul anymore. Not even in his memory.


  1. Oh Steph, don't be sad. We'll get through this together. You know now, the only thing we can do is keep ourselves safe and sane. And you won't be able to do that by focusing on the past. Think about it. Would Frank want you to tear yourself over his death? No, he would want you to be happy and cease life by the reigns. Your mother will be okay, maybe they'll find a way to keep you two in contact. In the mean time, I would give it time before you have closure with your father. Right now you need to focus on your friends and your siblings.

    And try not to think too hard about Slender Man, but if you see him out that window tell me. We can switch places for a bit, perhaps that can fend him off for a time.

    We can have our own system if you wish. Talk to me tomorrow at school.

    We're also having a tribute to him during school on Thursday. I can use your video if you're interested.

  2. Yeah.


    On all accounts.

    I'm not looking forward to climb those stairs using a cast. Just so you know. So if they ask me to speak about him, tell them I'm not in the mood for me. I'll just cry from the seats.

    You're better at public speaking than me anyways.

  3. Okay.

    Keep Holding on, love. <3

  4. We might have to get rid of those watermarks though.

  5. Alright, fine.

    Why the hell don't you just use his picture and have something playing in the background anyways?