Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I've had a dreams...a bunch of dreams last night.

Funny, I haven't had a dream in a while. But somehow I knew they weren't normal. I suppose the best way to put it was a dream inside a dream sort of situation. Ya know those instances where you think you wake up after falling from a fifty foot skyscraper? And then you realize that you're not the one staring back at you in the mirror. Or when you have your skin ripped off, and hope when you awake that it was only a dream, only to find snakes in your bed. The scary part is that actually happened in my dream, the skin ripping off I mean.

There were other torturous deaths as well.

One after the other.

Over and over again...over and over and over and over and over

I think I counted at least eight sequences. But most of them happened two or three times, all in a different order.

People say it's impossible to die in a dream. Part of me calls bullshit on that. Because I felt like I died when I finally awoke, for real. And during that time I was really afraid that I would end up as Mal from Inception. Trapped in a dreamworld forever? Limbo?I mean, sure, it'd be entertaining to control everything in your dream world for as long as you want. But that? No...

I actually started looking for a top-like object when I woke up. Yeah, it was that bad.

I specifically remember the last part of my dream. I was back at that cliff where that girl was. Nobody was there. For the first time since I dreamt, I felt like I could finally control what I was doing. I felt like if I walked over to the cliff, everything would be okay. But I was pushed.

I was pushed by my own mother.

When I woke up in the dream, I was in some sort of apartment, in a crib. My mother was crying, she was acting like I wasn't even there. I tried telling her that I was right there in front of her, but all I heard was screams. I woke up when I realized I was only a baby.

All of the other deaths were so vivid. I remember, how I died for each one, but I can't remember the one who did it, and a tiny little girl always in the corner of my eye.

I've never had a dream like that before, usually when I dream I wake up, just like that.

Ugh, my head hurts. Sorry, I've got go...damn it damnitdamnitdamnitDAMNITDAMNIT

Fucking hell, out of those pills.

AND I STILL CAN'T CONTACT FITZPATRICK?

Sorry guys, things will have to wait until I get a hold of the doctor or at least get Rebecca to call him for me. If this is some sort of effed up side effect, it isn't even funny. I'm going to ask that fucking bastard about those dreams. In the meantime, all I got yesterday was awkwardness. Sorry, but that's all you're going to get about the situation for my mom as of yet...

FUCK, gotta go! Rebecca contact him please?

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT. Why am I so scared?

7 comments:

  1. I'll contact him, don't worry. Although I can't promise it will work. He's been busy everyday as it seems, and I don't think it'll stop.

    Please don't be afraid. I know you fear that everyone around you will die, that's it, isn't it?

    You're overwhelmed...

    Drowning represents being overwhelmed with emotions, or perhaps digging too deep. Someone is.

    Skinlessness represents a difficulty in perceiving your emotional and psychology world.

    Alternatively it could fit in the category of some skin deformity, and you're afraid of facing reality. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to tell us what's going inside you now. What's keeping you from finding out the truth this time around?

    The deaths worry me. You really seem like you want to escape. That's why you don't want to pursue your mother now that you've found these people isn't it?

    Steph, is that it?

    Steph, listen to me, you've got to get a hold of yourself. You're going to find your mother, we're going to get her back together.

    What about Frank? What about our promise?

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  2. she's afraid of the guilt.

    aren't you?

    my old friend.

    you fear the future.

    do not fret.

    we will always be right beside you.

    to lead you to the slaughter.

    poor little lamb.

    have you prayed to him?

    do you fear what he may do to you?

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  3. Leave me alone...

    My head hurts.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Go to sleep Steph, it'll be alright.

    ReplyDelete