Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I managed to call Dr. Fitzpatrick

The call, with hardly any room for surprise, ended abruptly. He sounded so busy, I could hear every angry yell in the background. It may be a partner, or someone in charge. I couldn't tell, but I'm thinking that this guy may be new. Or, at least, he's a new voice. But I managed to tell him about the dreams Steph. He should be sending some...more of those pills. But I don't think he will be able to talk to you specifically. Which is strange...he said we could call at any time...

Regardless, he insists that the dreams will get better once your body gets used to the pills. Not sure whether I agree, but he also suggests that you drink less coffee. Try tea perhaps? It's incredibly healthy, and it reduces the risk of cancer. Although you probably don't care about that, huh? Somewhere, I still seem to think that this is more of an issue than a cure...

Ever since you've taken those pills you've been anxious. You hardly dream any more. Something tells me, all sleep and no dreams is a very bad sign. I would tell you to stop taking those pills, but your father doesn't want any trouble with the CPS. Speaking of which, one of them came yesterday, asking when you are coming home. I told them you were sick so you would be delayed for awhile. For now, I hope that helps until you coming back. You are coming back right?

Jeremy seems suspicious as well, after I gave him my "warning" (I actually only told him to look out for himself, I couldn't really tell him about Slender Man, nor do I want to) he began following me everywhere. Mostly he asks me if I'm alright, it's as if I was going insane, Jeremy knows I would never dream of fighting anybody. Everyone in the school does. I'm going to try to keep him as far away from things as possible, at least so he could never experience what we've experienced Steph.

Stay safe, and get some sleep. Depriving yourself of sleep will not make the nightmares go away, it will only get worse.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I've had a dreams...a bunch of dreams last night.

Funny, I haven't had a dream in a while. But somehow I knew they weren't normal. I suppose the best way to put it was a dream inside a dream sort of situation. Ya know those instances where you think you wake up after falling from a fifty foot skyscraper? And then you realize that you're not the one staring back at you in the mirror. Or when you have your skin ripped off, and hope when you awake that it was only a dream, only to find snakes in your bed. The scary part is that actually happened in my dream, the skin ripping off I mean.

There were other torturous deaths as well.

One after the other.

Over and over again...over and over and over and over and over

I think I counted at least eight sequences. But most of them happened two or three times, all in a different order.

People say it's impossible to die in a dream. Part of me calls bullshit on that. Because I felt like I died when I finally awoke, for real. And during that time I was really afraid that I would end up as Mal from Inception. Trapped in a dreamworld forever? Limbo?I mean, sure, it'd be entertaining to control everything in your dream world for as long as you want. But that? No...

I actually started looking for a top-like object when I woke up. Yeah, it was that bad.

I specifically remember the last part of my dream. I was back at that cliff where that girl was. Nobody was there. For the first time since I dreamt, I felt like I could finally control what I was doing. I felt like if I walked over to the cliff, everything would be okay. But I was pushed.

I was pushed by my own mother.

When I woke up in the dream, I was in some sort of apartment, in a crib. My mother was crying, she was acting like I wasn't even there. I tried telling her that I was right there in front of her, but all I heard was screams. I woke up when I realized I was only a baby.

All of the other deaths were so vivid. I remember, how I died for each one, but I can't remember the one who did it, and a tiny little girl always in the corner of my eye.

I've never had a dream like that before, usually when I dream I wake up, just like that.

Ugh, my head hurts. Sorry, I've got go...damn it damnitdamnitdamnitDAMNITDAMNIT

Fucking hell, out of those pills.


Sorry guys, things will have to wait until I get a hold of the doctor or at least get Rebecca to call him for me. If this is some sort of effed up side effect, it isn't even funny. I'm going to ask that fucking bastard about those dreams. In the meantime, all I got yesterday was awkwardness. Sorry, but that's all you're going to get about the situation for my mom as of yet...

FUCK, gotta go! Rebecca contact him please?

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT. Why am I so scared?
I think I'm going to skip talking about important events for the moment.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Busy Days



My supposed "aunt" and "uncle". Well, they're that sort of people who just WON'T LET YOU HAVE TIME TO YOURSELF. I mean, I know they're happy to see me and all but seriously? I can't even fish that well for God's sake! And while your history sounds interesting and all, don't you think I have other things to do? Like, you know, finding my mother? I've been here for how many days? And still, not even a whisper of her being here. I don't know guys, I'm just about ready to give up. These guys are just way too fucking relentless. I might as well just leave without another word. So fucking useless.

But on the other hand...maybe I like being here. Maybe I like the view of the river, the small town quality, everyone greeting you when you walk inside a store or a restaurant. They even have a nice little Japanese restaurant here. I love Japanese food. Apparently it's new and their already having a big business. However...sad news. They do not have a Starbucks here :( That alone should be enough reason for me to go away. How can anyone live without a Starbucks really? Sure, they can just go over the freakin' bridges if they wanted a Starbucks, but do people really want to go over a fucking river EVERY SINGLE day, whenever they want some nice, rich coffee? I know I don't.

Well, I suppose Tim Hortons will do for not, though Aunt Charon recommended Greentree Coffee & Tea (tea in particular) ...What the hell is Greentree?

Well I SUPPOSE it's delicious, and the locals seem to enjoy it I guess.

But nothing beats freakin' Starbucks. NOTHING.

Now that's out of the way, I actually went to church today. Now, believe it or not, I don't think church is all that bad. As long as there is singing xD But in all seriousness, I haven't been to church in months, and when I first entered that chapel. I felt...a bit guilty. I didn't even dress appropriately, and it seemed as if everyone is staring. You know that feeling? Of being the odd one out? Heh. Yeah.

Guess what they talked about today?

No, not Jesus, not revenge, not worldly obsessions.


Fucking guys know who Job is right?

The story goes on that there is this guy with seven sons and three daughters, very wealthy man. But the devil was jealous and bored apparently, so he tried to put Job's reputation as a faithful, godly man to the test by convincing God to allow him to take away everything he had. God permitted him to do so, but he could not lay a finger on Job. All his cattle were stolen, his servants burned, and his children slaughtered. Even still he praised God. So the devil got pissed and tried to get God to allow him to harm Job himself. Which God permitted as long as the devil didn't kill him. His wife tried to convince him to give up the act, and just curse God and die already (nice wife huh?), which Job refused to do. Then four of his little buddies came to have a nice little talk, and support him through this rough time of his life. Pretty much, his group of friends were trying to dishearten the guy into cursing God like a real man or something. I don't really know at this point. It was hard to listen throughout the entire service, I don't really listen to preachers that well at all. Usually I just draw during church services and sing. That's it. just doesn't appeal to me that much as it used to. I remember when I was all into it as a kid, but I suppose you can say I'm afraid of it.

Yeah, that's right, I'm afraid of becoming someone everyone will look at and go, "God, that person's insane". Or at least, I partially blame Christianity for turning my mother insane. I like to think that Slender Man just used it to get to her. I wish I could tell you guys the entire story, but I can't...I just...can't.

Anyways, I suppose you want to hear the ending right?

Well, Job was visited by the big guy himself who awarded him after he spent the entire time defending God when arguing with his friends. It's a bit confusing, but I guess defending God gave him more than he had before, way more in fact. And the guy lived and died a happy life. A bit anti-climatic I know.

Even so, that got me thinking...I don't think I can praise any God, not after this. In fact, I'm not entirely sure whether or not I still believe in God. I mean, I would like to believe in him, but all I see is the devil. A tall, black, faceless devil. And if I had any reason to still believe there was a God out there, it would be so I could give him a run for his money. Sometimes you just feel like yelling at the heavens, just to make you feel better about yourself. I suppose I'm not the only one who's suffering. We're all suffering aren't we? Like, we're all Job. How do you guys stay cheerful through all this? And can we really be cheerful for real?

I'm sick of trying to pretend damn it!

Believe me, I will find out the truth. One way or another. I think it's just about time for me to confront Aunt Charon and Uncle Tim. I'm tired of just waiting around for an opening. I'm going to find out where my mother is.

Well, they're calling me down for dinner, so I better get off. If I don't find anything here it'll all just be a waste of my time. Sorry Rebecca, sorry dad.

I know you're wondering about that video. The damn bastards took my phone. I've been searching for it everywhere on the day before I left, when I was packing my bags. Damn bastards stole it. It had everything on there. I wanted to tell you guys but...

Screw it. I'm off.

Friday, March 25, 2011

One and Zero

Recently I recieved an email from the mysterious troll that has been harassing us, although I am certain I should be calling her Trickortreat from now on.

from---- ----
dateFri, Mar 25, 2011 at 6:18 AM
subjectshe knew all along did she not
hide details 6:18 AM (10 hours ago)

warn jeremy for her.

I have a feeling I know exactly what she wants me to warn Jeremy about. And I don't get it. I don't get why she has to do this. And how Slender Man fits into this picture. I'm willing to bet there's some sort of agreement between the two. But how long will it be until everyone dies? What does she have against Steph that she needs to be doing this? And her mother. What is her role in all this? How did she even get a hold of this? One thing about this video though, it proves that Steph never denied she was being stalked by Slender Man. It's almost as if Trickortreat's trying to make me doubt her. That's something I know isn't going to happen.

Mr. Nord is pretty worried. The CPS came tomorrow, asking for Steph. To say they were suspicious would be an gross understatement. But they seemed to take the story that she was visiting relatives for some sort of family emergency. Most of her relatives live here in Buffalo, especially on her mother's side. I told them I will be watching her siblings and helping around while she's gone. Like a nanny. I think they took the story in stride not because I looked trustworthy, but because Steph turns eighteen this April. Yes, she is a spring baby, or "flower child" as she prefers. The CPS probably noticed that the children weren't dying of malnutrition either...or so they say, that they looked healthy and happy with me. My own mother used to tell me I would make for an excellent nanny. But I would never be a Super Nanny...I just can't bring myself to act that way.

Steph seems to have no luck with Dr. Fitzpatrick at the moment. To be honest I have no luck either. The man must be awfully busy these days. If I could, I would ask him more questions about Mrs. Nord's past history, or any personal items she might've carried. But for now, I only have Mr. Nord to speak with. At least on his days off. I don't really have to visit his house on such days, but I've really grown attached to Zach and Hannah...they really are so sweet. It saddens me to see that spring has not yet fully come yet. But once March is over and done with, I'm sure.

Meanwhile, Zero's back.

He's a completely different person from the guy I came to knew while reading his blog...
More vengeful, sadder person.

And I'm not sure whether or not I like what he's planning on doing. Killing? Is that truly the way to end all this? Do we truly have to resort to such a thing? I'm willing to give Zero the benefit of the doubt, but it's worrying, seeing what he'd become. Was it truly so horrible what he experienced on that day that he lost all compassion, all mercy?

It reminds me of the tragedies I read in my room...Hamlet in particular.

Will we all be dead in the end?

And who will survive to tell the story?

Will there even be a story to tell? Should there be?

Sometimes I look at what's happening in the blogosphere, at these two different sides of those fighting against the beast. And I wonder, who is more right? The one who kills? Or the ones who heal?

I know that the cure does not work it may be hopeless. But there has to be another way.

I hope there is another way...

Steph, I hope you fix your phone soon. We're so worried.

As for me, well, I don't want Jeremy to die, but I don't want to die either. I'm so confused right now. But I've got to warn him. He won't believe me, but at least I'll give him that chance.

I just don't know why Trickortreat would want me to give me that chance, if she is a servant for that thing.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Actually Rebecca, I've been trying to call you for awhile now. For some reason I don't even hear a freakin' phone ringing while calling so I gave up. And I don't see you calling me either >:|

Dr. Fitzpatrick's phone is working at least. He's just...busy or something, because he's not answering either.

And neither is Leon (does he still even have his phone?).

Not that it really matters right now, these guys can't seem to catch me a break. Whenever I try to bring up mom and dad they change the subject. Honestly I doubt they'll even let me leave. But I'll keep trying. I've got to.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Aunt Charon and Uncle Tim

Are actually quite nice.

They made me pancakes this morning. They were blueberry pancakes too. I've haven't had blueberry pancakes since this one morning during my stay at a creepy yet extremely well kept and awesome church. I forget why we were there, I believe it was some sort of youth program. Either way I have good memories of not being able to go outside because it was raining, staying inside all day playing board games. Yeah, that was fun. Especially the night we spent in the church, outside late at night.


Yeah, I didn't miss the tombstones, not as a kid. Do you want to know how much of a bookworm I used to be?

There were little candles around too. I'm willing to think these guys were Catholic, but back then I thought everyone was Protestant. So it didn't matter to me at the time. I actually thought the candles were cool. It's just the tombs that bothered me. Although, I never saw what were etched on the stones. I suppose that's a good thing.

I've seen the cemetary here. Oak Hill Cemetery. It's nice...I wanted to go inside because I've never been to a cemetery before. Even though there are a lot of trees around. As a kid I dreamed of becoming old enough to buy a car and sneak out at night to visit my local cemetery. I've never got that chance. Heh, actually, I always wanted to be caught up in some sort of ghostly tale as a kid. I envied those who claimed they were haunted by ghosts. After recent events I'm not so sure anymore. Last night feels like it was just a dream now...that I was just imagining it. I probably would believe it, if it weren't for the mind numbing headache I felt this morning. Thankfully my supposed aunt and uncle were nice enough to brew me some tea to calm my nerves. And once again those pills prove to be useful, but I may have to call Dr. Fitzpatrick soon.

Heh, funny story about those two. I remember ringing their door last night, and their confused as hell faces. My face probably didn't look to well either. I waited a couple hours before I approached their door, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. Not much to my surprised they greeted me with caution, and I realized I didn't even know what to say. The note's coordinates lead here, I checked mapquest as many times as I could, whenever I stopped at coffee shops for quick cup of coffee or libraries to slumber in or the like.But I suppose they were as clueless as I was. I was really wary of telling them my name, I was this close to running. How do you deal with such things? Tell me?

But eventually I bucked down and told them I was looking for my mother, using the name my mother chose for herself; Trisha. For some reason, they recognized the name immediately, and guessed correctly that I was her daughter. I don't really understand how they could recognize that name so quickly...but it's bothering me. Has mom been using this fake name way before I was even born? Or is it just a nickname?

Aunt Charon and Uncle Tim wasted no time in introducing themselves and showing me around the house. First thing I've noticed was how huge it was. I've never been in a house that actually had two whole floors and a basement in the longest time. The entire tour freaked me out, they kept on suggesting things to me, Uncle Tim said something about a nice fishing spot. I think they even mentioned school here, which is something that completely took me by surprise. I tried to remind them that they should call my family before any of this happens (actually, my exact words were that I should call them), they seemed to have thought this was a good idea. But they still wouldn't freakin' leave me in peace. They started talking about random shit like the weather and other obscene things (to me at least). One of them was how Aunt Charon was barren and always wanted a daughter. I'm really tempted to leave this place based off of that bit of information, but not before knowing where my mother is first. I finally got them off my case when I asked if they had internet here.

I'm a bit puzzled though. Why hasn't anybody told me about these guys before?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Okay, so apparently these guys are my relatives, my aunt and uncle in particular.

And apparently they knew me when I was a baby.

I...I don't understand...

All the way here in Maine?!


Will post more once I have a talk with these people that bitch sent me to.

But just so you know that person watching me, well it wasn't Slenderman thankfully, but he got away...

Damn it.

I think I'm addicted to coffee

It's sad but true, whenever I stop at a new city I stop for coffee, and I cannot help it at all. The coffee shops man, they call to me @_@

I think...this is, like, the third green tea frap I had. Green tea frap is delicious, did I ever tell you guys that? I don't think I ever did, but if I did, I'm sorry. It must be mentioned again. If anything kept me awake during my travels, it's this thing. In fact, I'm pretty sure all I had was coffee on my way to Brewer. Not exactly there yet, but I'm close. At least I'm in Bangor now, planning on crossing the bridge to the other side soon. But before all that, let me tell you something.

Number one. It still doesn't feel like spring. Or at least not here. There's freaking snow. SNOW. I'm sorry, but I hate snow, but I supposed folks up here in Maine have it worse off than us Buffalonian folk. Speaking of which it's supposed to be snowing in Buffalo around Wednesday or something. Which is great because not even we need more snow. Dear Mother Nature: Please make up your mind.

Number two. I know why I had that strange feeling in Boston. See, I was on one of their buses (had to pay more of course since the card Rebecca's mom gave me doesn't work there.), and I was oddly not drifting off into sweet slumber (as usual). I do have a tendency to fall asleep all the time, on buses in particular....and trains. This is why I drink coffee all the time folks. But anyways, I looked out the window when we reached one of the bus stops, because I always have this paranoia that I would find myself in the North Pole if I'm not careful (which means lots of waking up and then falling asleep moments other words, no sleep for me.) Looking out the window, I notice that something No one was waiting at the bus stop, except for a rather tall man in a business suit. Yeah, tell me about it. I called out to the bus driver, asking him to stop since at first I thought he was a normal business man...What?! I was half asleep! What do you expect?

Only, the bus driver kept on moving. I think I saw Slenderman a couple more times down the freeway/highway/throughway/whatever. Eventually my had began getting dizzy from me staring at him for to long, and I heard that drumming sound inside my head. More likely, it was a headache, because my head was throbbing with pain whenever he showed up. So I did what anyone else would've done, and slept the pain away. When I woke up, I was in Pittsfield, which is like, sometime this morning. The bus driver was giving me one of those odd, irritated/concerned looks (I'm betting he was leaning more on the irritated side), before he promptly kicked me off and forced me to wait another thirty minutes for a bus. (RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE)

Luckily, I didn't see anymore business men waiting at bus stops while on my way to Bangor, except for a select few.  I suppose I should be glad I didn't flip out thinking that Slenderman was about to take the bus to Bangor with me. It's bad enough that he can apparently appear anywhere and everywhere he wants.

Well, I'm in Bangor now...should probably finish this frap soon and leave for Brewer. (But I don't wanna! It's so safe and cozy!) From the looks of google map, I'm supposed to be visiting a home. Why a home? I don't even know. I just hope this family doesn't think I'm a mormon...or single guy...or lady...

Yeah, I'm just going to charge my laptop and leave...

(I think there's someone staring at me from the window)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

At Boston....having myself some Starbucks

Hellz yeah.


Buses in Buffalo kind of suck, especially those going across the interstate. I spent most of my time sleeping. Still no dreams. But whenever I'm awake, just watching the realize how beautiful everything can be. New York is a really mountainous area, believe it or not. When most people think of New York they think of the big city. But they forget the hills, the forests, the lakes... It's a really nice area. Especially Albany. There's a lot of countryside near that city, farmland and stuff...

I miss New York already, especially Buffalo.

People there would always talk to you, it didn't even matter that you were a complete stranger. They would talk to you anyways. I suppose that's because everybody there was miserable, but misery loves company eh?

Still...there was a nice sense of community...I don't think I'll be able to find anything quite like it anywhere else. Except maybe the south, haha.

You're probably wondering what I'm doing in Boston...

Blame the 90 interstate. It kind of took me here =x The 95 if anything should take me to Bangor, so I'll be heading there soon once I'm done with this coffee. I'm probably going to try hitchhiking, some guy that was on the bus I rode here actually gave me some good tips. I think he was a runner, but then again he could've been some normal guy running away from his parents. He was younger than me too, about sixteen maybe. We sat next to each other the entire time, just me and him, watching as everyone came and go. I finally asked him where he was heading off to, he told me he was heading towards New York City. When I asked him why, he shrugged, "I heard it was safe." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. New York City is a place where you can easily get lost in and people won't even notice you were there. There's so many one huge melting pot. I wished the kid good luck. He was nice, but I never learned his name. I wonder if he would hold it against me if I told him why I was running. Would he hold it against me if I asked?

Well, I'm hoping to leave here soon. Boston feels weird, people around me seem as paranoid as I am. I keep on getting these odd vibes from them. It's like the know that I'm running from something, and they know exact what that something is. Like, I knew Massachusetts always had a reputation of being filled with the supernatural, but this is ridiculous.

Starting to run out of the black pills Fitzpatrick gave me, might have to ask him for more soon, but I'll save that for later...still don't know what they are for, but lately I've been hearing this drumming's probably nothing, but it's worrying me.

And then there's this thing:

Yes, it's THAT thing.

I don't think I mentioned this, but I threw it out right after I posted my results, right in the middle of the street. And then I find stuffed in my purse on the bus to Boston. The guy next to me was sleeping next to me when it happened, so luckily I didn't scream but WHAT THE FUCK?

I don't know who did this, but obviously it's a reminder of what I'm dealing with right now. A reminder I didn't need :/

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Destination: Brewer, Maine

Is a go. (I've gotta stop doing this)

I'll be leaving very soon, before Buffalo's buses stop running. I've got everything packed, some snacks from the store, and Harry the manager's good graces. Oh yeah, Harry. Harry's the manager of the apartments I stayed at. Wonderful guy, truly. Thanks to him I've been able to work for the past week or so. But I'm afraid I won't be able to return home for awhile.

Do you think they'll allow me to pass if I've been gone for more than twenty six days?


Ugh, I don't want to think about that at the moment.

Right now, I don't even want to leave.

Maine, Maine, Maine.

Why does that place worry me so much? Brewer in particular. I looked it up, it's just a small village next to a river and a much larger city. It doesn't really seem like anything of importance. So why?

Well...I'm going to try heading there, and hope for the best. Maybe I'll even find mom over there, huh? Ha. Yeah. Right :|

I just hope this little game doesn't get too out of hand.

I'll keep you guys posted whenever I get the chance.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Mr. and Mrs. Nord Part 1

I've been spending much of my time in the Nord household taking care of the children for Steph and Mr. Nord. Both of them are really sweet and adorable. Their names are Hannah and Zachariah, although we just call Zachariah Zach Mr. Nord and I. He was off today, so I thought I'd spend some extra time at his house due to today being a half day at school and all. Everybody misses you Steph. Even Jeremy. Especially Jeremy. I cannot say how many times he walked up to me asking whether or not Steph was coming back. He's really worried Steph...and I think he might like you. Yes, I understand it's not my place, but there was something about the way he talked about you...

Oh look at me, talking about love when spring is in the horizon. I've been weighing the option of taking the children to the park. On one hand, they would adore the outdoor experience. On the other hand, I don't know whether they would be safe since Slender Man seems to have some sort of interest in the Nord family. Lately, I've been attempting to discover why, by talking to the only reliable source of information I have concerning Mrs. Nord's, who Slender Man originally attacked, past. According to Mr. Nord, they met on the subway downtown, Mr. Nord was dressed in uniform, and Mrs. Nord just happened to notice him, and asked if he was in the army. Apparently Mrs. Nord was living in an apartment that belonged to her uncle, and was always supervised (I assume this takes place after she was kicked from the Air Force). The doors were left wide open, because her family was afraid she was going to seriously hurt herself. They described her as violent, almost suicidal, even though Mr. Nord strictly stated this was impossible for Mrs. Nord. "She could never kill herself" he said. He seemed so certain...

He told me that Mrs. Nord had been abused by her family for her entire life. Out of Mrs. Nord's three sisters, she was the one who was always to blamed for everything. Her sister, Pamilia, would leave her to babysit the babies she gave birth to while she partied with more boys. Shelly, her other sister, tried to control her life so that she was never happy, perhaps out of jealousy, since she seemed precious to her mother, who unfortunately also tended to control her life. But she was also the youngest of the three sisters. So, I suppose it only makes some sense. But hearing Mr. Nord's tales about what his wife told him, it makes you sort of feel for her. She's been so much torture, it's a wonder she isn't right in the head...all that stress... I understand why she must be rescued from Slender Man's embrace. There is a better side to her. Mr. Nord described it as a kind, caring side, but also as a fierce, protective side. The signs of a mother, a mother that wouldn't give up. Her family took that away from her, he said. Now all she can do is hide inside of herself. "Inside of her guilt."

She felt guilty about what happened a few months ago, about when the Nord first bought the house I'm in now. Like it was her fault. Steph, you're father told me everything. I'm not sure what to say...

I don't think Mr. Nord wants me to share these events with anybody just yet. But he told me it was oddly similar if not parallel to how Mrs. Nord was acting when Mr. Nord first met her. Only last time he could help her through it. The antidote was easy, allow her to relax, then get her away from Buffalo to her own devices. Apparently, her family did not trust Mr. Nord much, so it worked for the both of them. Mrs. Nord's uncle almost threw him out a couple of times when he went to his apartment to help Mrs. Nord with her sister's children. Mrs. Nord asked him if she could live with him. And that was the origin of their marriage. It wasn't a large one, neither of their families approved of it.

When they got married, it was inside the city hall.

No one knew of it, except for them.

The idea of leaving Buffalo didn't come until after you were born, Steph.

But Mr. Nord doesn't want to talk about it either.

He won't say anything except the fact that Mrs. Nord's family really drove her over the edge during that time....and that she was really paranoid about everything. Which is why he had no choice but to leave. You may have to move out of Buffalo again, either way, Steph. Your father's thinking about it. It's just...he wants your mother back first.

Please come back soon Steph.

I think Mr. Nord's worried the most out of all.

He is your father.

And if you want me to, I'll try to find out the rest of the story. If you don't want me to know what happened during that time, you don't have to tell me, and I don't have to ask. I'm fine with not knowing.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The "Date"

9:00 PM, and Nietzsche's all seeing eye watches me as I edge near the pub's front door. It was even scarier in the dim, orange glow of the night. And believe me, I almost felt like the cherubs were glaring at me, with their distorted faces. It almost reminded me of mannerism art. Artwork such as this:

It was nightmare fuel unleaded for me, those statues judging me from above. There is something unsettling about statues, particularly those specifically sculpted to look so human, yet human at the same time. The same thing kind of happened when I played Amnesia.


It was like facing that.

I'm almost surprised I had no nightmares last night, especially after my time spent in that wretched place. And the irony of it all, it looked exactly like a normal bar on the inside. The bar counter was descent, there seemed to be a lot to choose from. Music was resonating off the walls and speakers, of course. It was songwriter's showcase, open mike of course. The guy we walked in on was average, not bad, but not amazing either. Everyone that was already in the bar seemed focused on him for the most part. For that reason I was glad. I'm still underaged, so being caught in a bar like that alone was probably not the best idea ever. It's part of the reason I didn't even want to go there, but too late now, I guess...

It looked like a normal bar....

Until I looked up.

Writing...all over the ceiling. I couldn't be damned to try to read it all. I had to wonder, who had the time to write all that? How old was this place that people even needed to do such a think? I realize now that some of them could of been signatures of some of the artist that played here in the past, but still it was shocking to look up and see a shitload of writing on the wall. Not to mention this one mask, plaster, thing hanging from the ceiling...

So, in an attempt to keep myself from becoming too paranoid, I began looking around for my "date". One of the tables seemed to be the only one occupied, by a guy in a black hoodie who looked like he was waiting for someone. He didn't seem to notice me as I sat down after a few seconds of willing myself to turn away, by then I already felt kind of awkward. He his hood over his face, so I couldn't see what he looked like. He was kind of dark skinned though, that much I knew at the time.

Me: Hi...

???: Hey.

Me: My name is Steph...

Bastard didn't even say anything after that. I could not help but sigh, the situation was getting sort of bland. It was pretty obvious it was going to be one ultra long night from the get go. Should of bailed when I had the chance.

Me: I was supposed to meet my blind date here. Are you him?

???: Yeah.

Me: Are you going to at least give me a name?

???  (shrugging): Not until the date's over and done. That's what they said.

Me: Oh...that sounds great. Wait... They? You're not one of them?

???: Believe me, you don't know the half of it.

Before I could respond a platter with two glasses on it was placed on our table. The guy reached for one of them and started sipping at it. Of course I didn't do a thing. I mean...what if they were poisoned? (Yeah, I watch too many movies for my own good) Or worse? Tasted horrible?!

Me: I'm not touching that.

???: It's only water you know.

I felt a chill go down my spine. I remember it one of those feelings where you know someone was watching you. The guy in the black hoodie didn't seem to notice, or he did, but was trying to hide it. But at that moment it was pretty obvious that I should've been feeling some deja vu. Cautiously, I grabbed my glass, and began sipping at it, wondering whether my "date" asked these to be brought here, or someone else.

M: Do I know you?

???: What?

Me: Do I know you?

???: I'm not allowed to say.

Me: Why not?

???: They're watching us.

I followed his gaze towards the bar counter. Sure enough someone was staring at me for a split second before looking away. Never did get to see what they look like. Not that it matters, but it does make it slightly more unnerving since now for real I have my pair of stalkers without a face (see what I did there?). Moments later we were given some steak, which is weird, because it didn't seem like there was a kitchen there. In fact. I'm pretty sure they didn't sell any food. For that moment, I chose to ignore it.

I mean, free food.

Obviously the entire thing was payed for and patronized by the creepy stalker people (who apparently will have no problem killing you if ordered to). But the steak didn't taste like any sort of steak you would find at a restaurant. It was actually as bland ad dull as the situation at hand was. They tried.

But I didn't even eat my food. My "date" on the other hand ate it all up. You could tell he hadn't eaten in a while. Awkwardness abound, I decided to ask him why I was there, if this wasn't a real date.

???: It hope it isn't a real date, no offense meant. But I suppose I might as well, doesn't seem like much anyways. Sorry to tell you this, but this is probably a waste of your time.

He gave me a piece of paper, nothing on it except a youtube link and more coordinates.

Me: They aren't even trying are they?

???: They're still watching.

Me: I know!

???: ...

Me: Sorry...well, you're probably right anyways. I don't even know why I came here.

???: I could tell you right now, but I'd be more in danger of dying if I did. But I can tell you this, at least you'll be one step closer to saving your mother.

Me: How do you know about my mother?

He shrugs, I hate it when they shrug.

???: You just overhear things. I don't really know. But that doesn't matter. What do you think you're going to do?

Me: Huh?

???: Are you going to be pursuing her soon? 

Me: That's not the word I would use for it dude.

???: Will you be searching for her?

Me: I....I really don't know at this point.

???: Yes?

Me: I just got yelled at by an eleven year old, and now I have this weird feeling I'll be dying earlier than I wanted to. Call it weird, but how do you deal with knowing that there are people out there who can send trained killers after you at a breath?

???: I make a mental note and keep moving on like it didn't happen.

Me: Ah...

???: Really though, you must've done something wrong to deserve such treatment.

Me: Don't remind me.

Another shrug from the guy in the black hoodie.

???: Are you going to eat your steak, or let it just sit there?

I gave the steak up to him, I really didn't feel like eating at the moment. And the atmosphere in general was making me feel queasy.

Later on we dance because we had to make it realistic, or something like that. The exact juicy details are hard to place, but I sucked, there's nothing else to it. I could never dance, that was Rebecca's job. I was always the one who would stand at the side lines during school dances. I preferred my sketchbook to socializing. Really, Rebecca's pretty much the only person I ever really hanged out with more than once. So, I never learned the trick of the trade. I personally think some of the other folks at the bar were giggling at me. Not that it mattered. Apparently my "date" can't dance either. So, I guess we were both the laughing stock of that day.


Yeah, it was embarrassing. He stopped me after three songs.

???: This isn't working.

Me: Gee, ya think?

???: I don't even know why they're making me date you tonight.

Me: You're telling me.

???: My guess is that they think you're actually my girlfriend.

Steph: You have a girlfriend named  Steph?

???: That's how I reached that conclusion. Stephanie, you already know this.

Steph: Wait. What are you saying?

Once again he looked at the bar counter, and once again I followed his gaze. I think we both breathed a sigh of relief at the same time. They were nowhere in sight. But that unified sense of relief didn't last long, let me tell you.

???: Stephanie, it's me, Leon.

I was this close to losing it. This close. Fortunately, I only slapped him across the face, and ran the hell out of there before it turned into one of those brawl fights you see in a movies. Or maybe because I'm a fucking coward, but I couldn't do anything in front of those people. I could still feel the all seeing eye pierce my back as I ran, and Leon's hand on my back before I pushed him away. I cursed him with as many swear words as I knew, calling him the coward for running away when his friends needed him. He simply told me there was no other choice in that damned calm as hell voice of his. DOES THIS GUY EVER YELL?

I didn't give him the benefit of the doubt, and I don't think I ever can. Even after seeing that thing stand on top of the building, even after seeing him take Leon into its hug. I didn't even try to pull Leon away, I was crying and raging inside at the same time, my knees hurt. I was puking all night last night. Slept all day today. Those pills Dr. Fitzpatrick gave me help. They really do.

But Leon...I'm really mad at him right now. But at the same time...

I don't know. I really don't know. I guess I'm just hoping something bad hasn't happened to him, even though he bailed out on us when Slender Man attacked Frank.

Part of me really wants to call "karma"...

Looked up the coordinates on Google Map not too long ago. Apparently I have to go to Maine if I want to find my mother. But something about the word "Maine" ties my stomach in a knot.

Or maybe it's the guilt.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Leaving Soon

I look terrible, like shit. I just realized I haven't showered in days, and my hair's all tangled. I hate my hair, I really do -___- I don't even know why the hell I'm so worried about my appearance since I don't even know WHAT to expect at the club tonight. Proper etiquette, I guess. But the thing is, I don't even have any decent clothes with me! Last thing I expected, when packing my things was that I'd be meeting some guy I've never even met at a club I've never been to, nor do I ever plan on going there after this.

I mean, look at the bar's icon/symbol/whatever!

Am I the only creeped out by this?

Please tell me I'm not the only one O____o

I know a couple people at school who would right away, claim 'Illuminati!' Fuck the Illuminati is all I say. Seriously. This has nothing to do with a supposed 'cult' that exchanges the souls of artists for fame and fortune. This is a freakin' eye and disturbing as hell statues decorating the building where I'm going to have my first (and perhaps last) date.

Fuck the Illuminati. Is that even real, anyways? Or just some closet conspirators overreacting to every single bloody thing they see wrong with America. Because, personally, I'm not buying it :/

But then again, I suppose I shouldn't be able to believe in a cult of Slender Man worshipers either? Heh.....yeah :|

I'm gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie.

Well, maybe I can convince my hosts to talk the bartender into letting me get drunk before I die. Go out with a bang right?



Fucking hell. It's just...that eye. That fucking eye! Why I'm I so scared of it now?


Well, I'm going to be leaving soon...wearing nothing but this sweater and some ripped pants...

I look terrible -__- Not looking forward to this at all.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Alright I made up my mind

I have a feeling I'm going to die a lot sooner than I thought. So I suppose I have no choice now...

You know those moments in your life when you're being so incredibly blind, that someone has to walk up to you and slap you in the face?

I think this is one of those moments....

Sorry, I suppose I was overreacting a bit in my last post. Okay, so maybe I was overreacting a lot <_<

I was kind of being too stubborn... and a bit selfish. I was thinking so much about my own problems I didn't realize the consequences. How very smart of me huh? don't have to say it. I am an insensitive, heartless bitch, and I deserve the most horrible death in existence.

Thanks Cynthia (I guess I should call you that from now on?), I needed that.

This is not a dream, this is not a nightmare. This is a reality. This is real life. None of us is safe. There are rules, and if we break it, it's all over for everybody. End of the line. I realize that now.

But it still doesn't mean I'm going to give up my mom just yet. I just got to suck it up and go over to Nietzche's. I'm not particularly looking forward to it. In fact, I've never been this scared in my entire life. My heart's still beating like crazy (Note to self: never underestimate an eleven-year-old EVER AGAIN).

I'm going to make up for it.

I'm going to go.


I just hope this is a good idea....

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I'm not going to Nietzche's

So stop sending me emails.

I'm not interested in your date, I've never even been interested in guys! Especially guys who won't even ask me for a date to my face!

How am I supposed to know it isn't Tall, Dark, and Faceless huh?

How am I supposed to know it isn't a trap?

I'm staying here! In this apartment! I'll work around the street! And then I'm fucking leaving to get as far away from YOU GUYS as possible.

And you won't even find me, you will NEVER find me!

So try to come here if ya want, I have a pair of scizzors and a switchblade with YOUR name on it.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Okay WTF?

Reading what's happening with Reach and Ava, it fucking kills.

My stomach is churning right now. And whenever it does that it is NOT a good thing. It usually means I'm either gonna be sick in a few minutes (hell, I wouldn't be surprised. especially with the email I just received), gonna cry (I'm seriously about to cry right now), or something bad is going to happen...PLEASE don't let it be the last one. I would freakin' kill myself if it does. This shit shouldn't happen to people, I mean look what happened to me! Look what happened to my fucking family! Ava has a mother right? And she has Reach? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM?


Fuck, this is like I'm reliving a nightmare. It fucking sucks not knowing what to do, and all you can tell people is to "relax". Relax! Doesn't that fucking sound snobbish to you? I sure hope not, I don't want to sound like I'm being rude or anything. My dad said having my mother watch TV and have time to herself helped her just fine, since know, liked watching TV. I'm sort of hoping the same principal works for everyone.

Ava seems like she has been so stressed lately. I mean...who wouldn't be?


And then there's that freakin' Cynthia kid (I'll be honest, I hate the kid, but I can't be mad at her too much I guess, that Redlight's just a douche....or is it Slender Man being the douche?...Fuck it)

I fucking hate that multi-tentacled monster.

Why can't monsters just leave us normal folks the fuck alone, and go bother criminals and murders and crap?

The world will be a much better place.

But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Somebody has to fucking invite me to Nietzche's, with the sick, twisted idea that it's gonna be some sort of hot date. Yeah, I know your sick jokes, and they aren't fucking funny. Call me a whore to my face faggot so I can wipe that smirk right off it.

Fucking people like to piss me off.

But at least the manager was nice enough to let me do some odd jobs for him so I can have a steady income of money....kind of (he really only pays me twenty dollars, whoop-dee-do). Had me working all day.

But I love him. He has wifi here.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

No Good

I didn't find her anywhere.


All I found was a stupid fortune teller origami shit thing.

The place itself, was (non-surprisingly), all freakin' white inside, and disturbingly clean, despite looking all old outside (although they told me that there's still some really old parts of the facility that not many people visit). The reception desk people were nice...I suppose. But you can tell, you can just tell, that they didn't give a flying fuck about your problems. And since I was a a hospital...

Of course they were gonna give me odd looks. It wasn't like I cared or anything. At that moment what really mattered was talking them into letting mom come back home before something bad happen. I knew something bad was going to happen.

When I asked the receptionist if she knew if a patient named "Patricia Nord" was staying there, my mother. And, much to my surprise, she gave me this horrible confused look. I had to keep pestering her about it, begging her to let me see the psyche ward. She admitted that there was a Trisha staying here.

That was the name my mom took for herself while she was in the mental hospital months back. She went off the deep end again it seems. To think I thought it was all over when we got her back. To think I thought things were going to go back to normal. I was really freakin' stupid to think that. Look what happened. She freakin' changed her name. Trisha Glossic or something like that. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. What if she forgot about me? What if she never comes back?

Fuck that.

I'm not about to just let my mother lose herself to some fucking faceless dude, who's following me everywhere, and I fucking know he's following me for sure now. Every now and then I'd see him near the fucking trees, waiting for me to make the first fucking move. And I can't fucking look away from him, and all of these idiots stare at me like they never see a teenager stare at a bunch of fucking trees before. Holy shit.

She wasn't there.



It isn't his fault. APPARENTLY, some people CLAIMING to be her family came and just whisked her away! They just fucking whisked her away! No one suspected a thing!

What the ever God loving fuck is that!



They're lucky I didn't ruin their waiting room.

I asked them if there was anything in her room that she may have left behind. There wasn't anything they would bother to show me, they completely avoided the question. Obviously they weren't going to believe a random teenaged girl. So, in hopes of convincing them I showed them the photos of me and my mom in my cell phone.

The twerps thought I was her niece.


There was actually something. Although it wasn't my mom's. The nurses who were in charge of my mom told me that it was the "family" that left it behind. They thought it was pretty peculiar...and very confusing to them. They actually thought about taking the "family" in because of it, but they got away before anything can happen. Cowards, the whole lot of them. I really wouldn't blame them for thinking that either I mean it's a fucking origami fortune teller for God's sake. Look at it.

It's fucking crazy, this thing. I can't fucking read Hebrew goddammit. How the hell am I supposed to read this? My head hurts just looking at it, and I wanted to throw it in the streets and let cars run all over the piece of shit.

Biggest waste of my time. Ever.

I don't even know what the hell these people's problem is, but believe me when I find them they're gonna have a nice conversation with my fists. But I digress. Upon some careful expectation, I noticed something around the handles. Notice the arrows?

"Please post your results."

Well at least they have some good manners. Good for them, still doesn't stop me from pocking their eyes out with the sharp end of my scissors. And it seems this was made by two people. Some dude who knows Hebrew (or knows how to use Google Translator), and someone else with a cursive fetish.

Honestly I hate them both.

But hoping that there was some sort of secret message, I played their stupid little game.

Green, five, seven.

Those fucking pieces of shit.

I'm gonna save finding their asses 'til tomorrow. Right now I have not a clue where to look, but maybe people 'round here know about this "family". Thanks to the nurses and doctors and crap I have a WONDERFUL description of them. I only hope that it's enough, otherwise I'm gonna be waiting around for my own fucking death to come to me. Soon I'm gonna leave to rent a room overnight, considering the alternative is sleeping in the rain.

Hey, think I should throught the accursed thing in the street?

Last Night...

I was on Elmwood Ave. at night, outside, in the dark, surrounded by trees....d'oh!

I fail at this. I really do. I'm almost tempted to return home, but not yet. Not when I got so far. It's just I'm really this traveling stuff. I was a shut-in. Rebecca on the other hand knows the city better than me. I probably should've got a map before I left...

But I got one now! I saw a library that sold them and...I'm sitting in that library now. Yup, looks like I'm  not too far from the psychiatric center now, probably just have to take a bus or two and I'll be all set.

I'm really nervous about all this, believe me. Last night I thought I was gonna see him for sure. There were so many trees around, I never really noticed how many trees Buffalo has. Even main streets have trees all over the frickin' place in some places. Up here in North Buffalo anyways. Particularly...the farther up north you go. I remember a time when my mother went so far up north past Hamburg, we end up getting to the mountains. I can only hope to put my reaction when viewing those mountains coming up from the horizon in words. I think I had a nightmare about that yesterday. I suppose I don't really think about lucid dreaming and recall much now. It was like any old nightmare, but it was so vivid. I was in the woods, during camp, and I saw a girl in the woods, all of my friends did. But I was the only one who saw what stood behind her. It reminded me of a ghost story someone told me during a school camp trip in the sixth grade. Being out there, out here, right now.

You think about stuff a lot.

Like Frank, what would've happened if I went to the park in the first place? Would I be dead and he still alive? I'm actually starting to think I should've went there. Because now I'm traveling across Buffalo looking for my mother at an old creepy center for the insane even though my mother may not even be there. Dad's probably worried sick.

Dad, I'm okay. I'm a bit clueless but okay.

As it turns out I didn't even have to sleep on the ground last night.

I missed an apartment complex. Ha!

I'm turning 18 soon, so I'll just lie about my age until then. Should prove to be no trouble (I hope).

In the mean time I have some books dad lent to me to read, so it looks like I'm actually doing something bookish whenever I'm in the library. Don't get me wrong, I'm reading this shit too. It's just...yeah.

I fucking suck at this running stuff. But at least I haven't seen Slender Man yet.


I just jinxed it didn't I?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

north buffalo has a lot of trees in it more than south its dark im scared but i'm gonna get through this on elmwood found a building i can sleep near saving visit til tommorow so hungry phone dying

Destination: Buffalo Psychiatric Center

Is a go.

I have a lead guys. Although I have my doubts. But according to Dr. Fitzpatrick, I should check the Buffalo Psychiatric Center for her. Since they would most likely send her there. It seemed that he didn't want to say anything about my mother, he actually seemed more interested in me. When I told him the news, he was genuinely worried. I could tell, he had that look in his eyes. He kept me in his office, making other people wait just to talk to me. We spoke about a lot of things, mainly my future, school, family life, Frank. Clearly he didn't want me to leave my house, and I can't blame him. This is a bit of a risk. But a risk I must take. I'm sure Dr. Fitzpatrick, and dad, will realize this in the long run.

I asked Dr. Fitzpatrick if there was anything else he could tell me about my mom. Anything at all. She said she believed she was stalked by have to wonder, what if this was him? I had hoped she gave some description on this stalker's appearance. And well...I'll just give you guys the entire conversation.

(I enter Dr. Fitzpatrick's office after HOURS of waiting)

Fitzpatrick: Ah, Steph. Good to see you. Come in. I heard about your friends funeral. Terrible...

Me: Doctor, I'm not here for that. There's more pressing matters going right now.

F: Hmm? Like what? Something wrong Stephanie?

M: Oh nothing much. I just came hoping to find out more about my mother.

F: That again? Stephanie I am as clueless as you are on the events following your mother's graduation and I've already said far too much on the subject.

M: But Doctor, this isn't about the stupid incident at the air force boot camp, this is about that stalker you told me about before. Remember? The guy that my mom claimed was stalking her? You told me when I was in the hospital?

F: Oh yes, the business man.

M: So this guy was a business man?

F: Oh yeah, a tall fellow too.

M: (It finally hits me) Slender Man!

F: What?

M: Uh...oh! Oh nothing! Just an internet fad that came to mind. I tend to...shout....these random... (I notice he was writing stuff down, bastard) Yeah.

F(muttering): Hm....Stephanie, if something's on my mind you know you can share anything with me. It's my job to be right here so you have someone to share your problems with, after all.

Are you worried about your mother by any chance?

M: Oh, yeah! Speaking of which, I wanted to ask something if you don't mind.

F: Ask me anything. Remember, I'm here for you.

M: Yeah, mother.

(I take a deep breath)

Where did they send my mom?

(there was a temporary awkward silence between us.)

F: Uh, Stephanie...I can't exactly share this information with you. It's very confidential an-

M: Please Dr. Fitzpatrick! I need to know where she is! She can be in danger! And if I stay we'll all be in danger!

F: What are you talking about, Stephanie?!

(Yeah, I sort of completely lose it)

M: Even you Doctor!

I can't fucking stay here and wait for everyone to die!

So Dr. Fitzpatrick knows about my journey away from home. He didn't approve at first. I think he still doesn't approve. I could tell he was considering sending the police after me, he even had the balls to remind me that the police would start looking for me no matter what. But it's not like I'm not aware that this might fail and everyone may get into big trouble because of me, but it's better than everyone dying. I don't need any blood on my hands at the age of seventeen. But Dr. Fitzpatrick looked like he didn't want to do it, send the cops after me I mean. I'm starting to think there may be some compassion in that doctorate heart of his. Although there was also some fear in there too. After I spilled the beans we both talked for awhile. He was nice, not amazing, but not bad either. I refuse to say I'm in debt to him though, even though he was kind enough to lend me some money that I used to buy some Raspberry Soy Cappuccino. That's some amazing stuff! You should try it Rebecca and internet! Seriously!



(In case you haven't notice they have Mardi Gra stuff up. The Mardi Gra celebration was yesterday and apparently I missed it. But supposedly it was just a bunch of people getting drunk anyways, so it probably doesn't matter. But I'm still kind of upset. I was almost tempted to pick up a necklace off the sidewalk. They STILL haven't cleaned shit up around here. Buffalo, I swear.)

Like I said before I have my doubts about the psychiatric center, but I always wanted to go inside of it. It's kind of old, so that's the reason why. It's actually a national landmark, and dates back to 1870. History and old buildings in general always fascinated me, mainly because I was this big paranormal fanatic in my early years of highs school....

Frank and I went into an abandoned house once ya know, with some pagan friend of his. We used to think it might be haunted, we saw weird faces in the windows, and heard noises in a basement. Once we saw something...something floating. The pagan friend finally told us whatever was in there...was evil...

I'm sorry, bad memories.


Anyways, part of that Freshman in me likes to think this place might be haunted. But at the same time I hope it isn't.

Speaking of hauntings. Ever realized that there are more people in the same boat as you in your area than you thought?

Saw this on the bus ride to school this morning. I had to force one of my friends to move before I could capture it on my phone...he was pretty pissed. But I think it might be relevant. Funny thing is it was by Utica Station, so I'm thinking this person took the bus to the station, and meant to go downtown. But then again...he or she probably wasn't being stalked at all, and was just some random ghetto person who thought they were being cool. But it was interesting to see on a bus ride to school, especially with all the stuff around it. You gotta love Buffalo. So much graffiti here :/ (travel from downtown, down Seneca, you'll see graffiti of the phrase "Atak" everywhere).

But I'm not Utica if that's what you guys think. Currently I'm lounging at the library typing this up.

...And I may be kicked off the computer soon.

Alright I'm off!


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Making a list, checkin it twice

Gonna find out whether I'm gonna survive.

Sorry, I tend to do these things when I'm nervous, suddenly think of songs I mean. They help, when you're trying to think. It's harder to think now than it was a few years ago. I used to remember everything, didn't even have to study for a test and I'd still get a hundred. Things just aren't the same anymore. Now it seems to hurt my mind whenever I try to remember something. I was on IM with Rebecca earlier, she seemed caught up in some sore of code thing that was bothering her. Something about the year at the top of the post being creepy...

Yeah, whatever.

She also mentioned Lucien again, I think she's really worried about him and...Kay was it? Yeah, Kay.

While she's busy doing...whatever she's doing, I've been busy making a list of what I'll be bringing with me while I'm on the run. Check it out.

-Sidebag (A good size, but the unfortunate color of pink instead of lime green.)

Yeah, I used to like pink...Don't judge me >_<

In it I plan on keeping my laptop mainly, my dream journal, a separate sketchbook for my other stuff. But mostly, I'll just be carrying it around in case I run into stuff that seems interesting enough to take with me. Like, you know, a rock or something....a very pretty rock. But otherwise, it's gonna be my laptop, a sketchbook, and a change of clothes. Yeah (I don't know how I'm gonna fit all this).

In the mean time I plan on filling my lovely green purse with some pepper spray (I've been meaning to buy some after some Irish dude tried to hit on me on the streets), scissors (Leon actually inspired this method of defense for me, he had this theory that not enough people consider turning scissors into a weapon, after all people warn you all the time about not running in them), and I also have an inhaler I can use (I have asthma). Oh, and my lovely pencil case. <3

I think I'm pretty ready for tomorrow. I'm leaving school early to visit Dr. Fitzpatrick, get the info out of him, and go on my merry way. I have some money in my wallet, a bank card, and a metro card Mrs. Sinclaire got me (thanks!). Plus a crap load of gift cards I saved from Christmas (Burger King, anyone?)

Other things of importance:

-rape whistle with a flashlight (best invention ever)
-a tiger doll Frank gave to me for my sixteenth birthday
-a switch blade my dad lent me for sharpening my pencils since I have no sharpener (guess what I plan on using it for)
-My meds

And yeah, that's pretty much it.

Thanks for all the support Rebecca. Here, have a Charles:

Hope things turn out okay. Charles's got my back if they don't.

Monday, March 7, 2011

The lowdown.

So, as it's already been decided, Steph's leaving this week, most likely this Wednesday. We talked it over at school today during lunch. She'll be leaving for only a few weeks, if she doesn't find her mother by then she'll come back and continue schooling. I'll be staying here to take care of the kids and speak to the social workers on behalf of her. I already planned on what I was going to say. Steph already told her father what she planned to do last night. There seemed to be a lot of tears involved, because she called me afterwords. Crying. And I hear Mr. Nord in the background. I even got to speak with him.

Me: Mr. Nord?

Mr. Nord: What happened? What gave Steph the idea of just running away? Was it you who suggested this?

Me: I'm sorry Mr. Nord, I wish I can tell you everything that's happened to us, that's happening to a lot of people. But I'm afraid you will be in danger as well.

Mr. Nord: Danger? What is this? What is this crazy talk? Tell me what happened!

Me: You won't believe me if I told you-

Mr. Nord: Bullshit! I can believe anything! Especially now!

This is about her mother isn't it? Tell me that's all it is!

Me: ....Well, I suppose you can say that...

Mr. Nord: Tell me! Will she be coming back? Are you two going to keep in touch?

What will we do about money?

What about school?

Me: Already covered. We told them today that it was a family emergency, and that Steph will be out for awhile. I'll send her homework through her Email, and she can do it on the run. Everything's covered, you don't need to worry about it Mr. Nord. She'll be coming back when she's done with her journey, it won't take long. Please Mr. Nord, you don't know how important this is to her...

There was silence, and I heard them talking to each other from the ear piece. It was muffled words so I didn't understand what they were saying. But somehow Steph convinced her father to let her go. We just got done talking awhile ago to reinforce the list we made at lunch. We're going to make sure Steph gets through this with enough supplies. In the mean time Steph gave me Dr. Fitzpatrick's number in case I ever need to get a hold of him, and my mother agreed to drive us over there Wednesday.

No one else but me, Steph, Dr. Fitzpatrick, Mr. Nord, my mother, and you guys will know what we're doing.

We're going to get your mother back Steph, you'll see.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


What about school?

What about college?

Yes, I can take care of the children, I'll do anything for you Steph. But think about your life here. Didn't you say you wanted to be this big hotshot animator for Pixar? Didn't you say you want to see Rathya on the big screen?

Yes, I am bringing up Rathya.

You have an entire life ahead of you dear, I really want to know whether or not you're ready for this kind of change. Do you have money? Do you have a bus pass that will work during school hours? What if you run out of money? What would you do then?

How will you keep touch with us?

Please think of these things before you run off on your own, or at least read M's Turtorial a thousand times over. DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET. I cannot stress that enough dear. Ask questions. Contact people. You say you'll be finding your mother. Are you sure that's a good idea? Steph, I'm worried. This could be a trap. Can't you just run just to run?

Must you become obsessed?

I know you are worried about our deaths. I can see that in those pictures you drew. Those ARE your dreams aren't they? Oh Steph, I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I should not have gotten involved. But Steph, just know that I am behind you all the way. If you need money I'll send you some. If you need clues I'll contact Dr. Fitzpatrick. If you need a place to sleep, you are always welcome here. Just don't let yourself become his puppet, that's all I ask. I know you're worried about that too. Steph, I've known you since we were kids, playing on the swings. Remember the swings? Remember that breezy summer day? Remember the library when it was a library? Remember Caz Pool? Remember me falling in the creek and you saving me?

You were such a good swimmer. I always hoped you would join the school swim team.

But it's too late for that, right? You've got so much on your mind.

I've I can just kill this creature I would, but I can't even see him. But I could kill the Bitch.

But I can't I'm not a killer. And you're not a killer either.

Don't do anything rash...keep in touch.

I'll take care of them for you.

I promise.

They say the rainbow represents a promise. According to biblical legend God created the rainbow as a promise to the world that he would never flood it ever again. That's going to be our symbol Steph. The rainbow.

In the name of Frank right? He saved our lives didn't he?

The rainbow, Steph. I have to commend you for the wonderful background shocking as it was. There will be no more sadness, you'll see.


Keep holding on, my dear friend. I'll be waiting for you at the end of that rainbow.


I Want To Run, I'm Going To Run

It isn't safe here anymore. He wants to me to leave, IT wants me to leave. Otherwise....We're all gonna die. Especially you.

Everyone I know is in danger of dying, and it took a rainy funeral for me to notice that. The rain, they say it represents sadness, but it also represents change, and renewal. My gay friend was killed last week, a ruthless act of murder committed by a beast that shouldn't exist. A beast that took away from me all my hopes and dreams for tomorrow, by attacking my mom and driving her off the deep end. There's two things I love that was taken away from me, and today I learned that he can take away more if I don't do anything to stop him. The mysterious troll, the Bitch, is right, Rebecca. She is right about everything. I have to go. But first, I need someone to take care of the kids until I get back. Rebecca, I am trusting you to do this for me. You're the only one I can trust. Everything I know is a lie.

 Josh can't take care of the tots alone yet, he's only fourteen, his glory days have barely started.

Please Rebecca I need you to do this for me. And don't try to talk me out of it. He wants you dead Rebecca. He's scared of you.

I'm leaving this Wednesday, after I speak with Dr. Fitzpatrick about my mom's location. I am going to find her, and nobody's going to stop me. Insane people must stick together. When I find her, she's going to tell me the truth, and then I'm going to kill him, and everyone who ever hurt my mom. I don't even care what happens. Not after what I saw today.

I dreamt during my time in the hospital. I'm still dreaming. If I dream again, I'm going to follow the Bitch's advice and see if they're clues. I have to be having these dreams for a reason. If anything comes up I'll let you guys know.

In the meantime, I hope this rain will end soon. I hope to find that rainbow, that rainbow that Frank was to me. That all my friends are to me (don't tell anyone I'm leaving Rebecca, only you and my father should know). I hope to find that rainbow, and then find the gold that lies at the end of it. Maybe then I can wake up.

  Thank you for being there for me. And I hope you continue to interpret my dreams if I have any. Somebody has to right?


It's raining, it's pouring
The old man is snoring
He went to bed
And pumped his head
And couldn't get up in the morning.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

My Phone's Ringing.

Think I should answer it?

The Funeral

Okay first off, let me say something about Leon. He's not really that bad of a guy, or at least he wasn't that bad of a guy. Steph seems to think he's betrayed her. It's understandable. She was the only person who supported him other than Tiya, but Tiya's transferred to another school since last year. He's nineteen, as I already said, and still in high school. Many people aren't going to be supportive of a guy like that. Steph, surprisingly was...she feels sorry for people easily, and can come off as quite a bit trustworthy. Not anymore, it seems. She refuses to trust everybody, everybody except me, she says. I think this is all starting to get to her. She's obsessed with trolling this troll back in any way possible. She's even brought a couple of tissues with her at the funeral. I asked her why, she said it was for the troll. The Bitch.

I didn't see her at the funeral at all. I really thought she would come. It probably devastated Steph. I saw her ran off in the middle of the funeral. They were burying his ashes in a grave, and marked it by a tiny stone. It wasn't anything grand, but it did have this sort of atmosphere.

It was raining, like it's raining right now. It was raining all day actually. It's like nature knew that we were honoring the death of a wonderful, lively guy. Hm, it's funny. Just a few days ago Steph read in the paper about the Supreme Court ruling concerning Westboro Church's protest of a dead soldier's funeral. As many of you know Westboro is infamous for targeting the gay community with hate. It's no surprise that Steph was so passionate about it, she wouldn't stop going on and on about how unconstitutional it was. An army brat who has a dead gay friend...I think it struck her more sensitive areas. She was listening to Lady Gaga all day yesterday since it was the Lady Gaga concert in Buffalo. We knew at least two gay guys in our school who were going, even our Participation in Government teacher was supposed to be going. She called me crying, rambling on about how Frank was supposed to send her pictures of the concert through her phone.

I'm beginning to wonder just how much this affected her. I couldn't find her anywhere after the funeral. We had a couple people sent out to search for her in the batch of trees near the graveyard. I wasn't allowed to go with them, of course. My words did not help to woe them into letting me search. An hour went by, and she still didn't come. I was getting worried.

She finally showed up at the gate of the graveyard, fending off some unknown thing. I don't think she even noticed I was there until I had to snap her out of it. The most she had was a bloody nose, thankfully. Nothing serious happened to her. I asked her what she was thinking, running off like that. She told me, "I saw her. She was in my dreams."

"I think we knew each other."

I'm going to try talking her into posting about what happened in the forest. But right now all she's focused on is finding out who this person is.

I think she also saw Slender Man. I'm going to call her later today to check on the poor dear.

Keep holding on, love. <3

Thursday, March 3, 2011

This was the best day ever.

Actually, no it wasn't. Getting yelled at by your best friend is not fun, not fun at all. I think she actually wanted to kill me for a few seconds o.o Like I knew she was going to mad, but I didn't know she would punch me a thousand times on my back. That hurts :(

The tribute to Frank wasn't as great as I hoped it would be. The music kept on cutting off at weird places, probably a download error or something. But in the end I gave Rebecca Frank's pictures and let her make a video of him. Which she did last night for me, thanks Rebecca <3 What really kills me is I talk for long, something got in my throat. I was choking over something. Food, dust? I don't know what? But I started gagging in front of everyone in the Senior class, it was embarrassing, Rebecca had to finish for me. They tried to make me go to the nurse but I was like, fuck that :| The nurse is dumb as hell. All she does is ask you if you want crackers and juice. She doesn't call anybody, she doesn't send you home if you're really sick. She knows no medical procedures; why the fuck does she still have her job?!

My school, I swear.

I was hoping I would see Leon there, but he was nowhere in sight. I wonder if he's hiding, the cowardly bastard.

Well, I'm sure the police would find him soon.

Anyways, I'm tired as hell. Nap time!

Well crap.

from---- ---- <>
toStephanie Nord <>
dateThu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:18 AM
subjectRe: So, what's your game here huh?
hide details 12:18 AM (1 minute ago)

then i will come to you.
- Hide quoted text -

On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:17 AM, Stephanie Nord <> wrote:
Yay, more cryptic stuff.

Sorry,  but I'm going to a funeral no thanks to your little friend or master or whatever.

On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:16 AM, ---- ---- <> wrote:
the answer lies in your dreams.

you will meet me at the park this saturday.

On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:12 AM, Stephanie Nord <> wrote:
we can dance.

Oh! I know this one!

And hey! You actually used my name! How cute. :)

Yeah, I don't think I'll be waltzing with any of you crazy folks after that scene Rebecca witnessed. Sorry :P

Besides, I don't dance. That's Rebecca's job. And frankly I'll bet you have two left feet anyways. No wonder you're so alone that you have to convince yourself that aligning with a ten thousand foot child molester is okay. What a freak you are.

So, are you going to tell me any useful information now? Or continue to woe me (and fail) into joining this little cult thing?

On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:06 AM, ---- ---- <> wrote:
this is not a joke.

he wants you stephanie.

you should have just kept the incident to yourself.

give yourself up before another friend dies.

we can dance.

On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:00 AM, Stephanie Nord <> wrote:
No more interferences?

I was never aware that this was private business we're having :3

And what the fuck am I supposed to be lying about? I never dreamed once ever since I started taking that stupid pill. If I did I'll remember it. Lucid dreaming remember?

Methinks you're just avoiding the subject. Way to play the blame game :P

And Offspring! Niiiiiice.

Good to see you got some taste in music and aren't just copying off of what I already stated on my blog. Good for you.

On Wed, Mar 2, 2011 at 11:44 PM, ---- ---- <> wrote:

so you think you're funny.

haven't you learned anything from your friend's death?

no more interference.

stop lying.

you did dream did you?

is he outside?

is he watching?

come here.

then we can speak.

On Wed, Mar 2, 2011 at 11:21 PM, Stephanie Nord <> wrote:
Why won't you talk to my friend? Afraid she's gonna find you and rip your arms out of your sockets ;D

Don't worry, I'll do that for you :)

I don't know what your deal is, but I demand some answers. Who the fuck are you, and why do you keep harassing us? What do you work for Slender Man? You think you're "the shit"? Or are you so crazy in love with me that you have to stalk my ass? Because that's cool if you are. Just don't be a bitch about it and send me some sugar, sugar.



PS. How about a game, I post a random youtube link to make me look like a cryptic ass and you do it too!

You like that don't you? Of course you do!

Here, lemme start!

Now you post a link! Isn't this fun Bitch?


Oops :X I think I went a little bit overboard with my bitching.

Please don't kill me Rebecca.