Sunday, March 27, 2011

Busy Days



My supposed "aunt" and "uncle". Well, they're that sort of people who just WON'T LET YOU HAVE TIME TO YOURSELF. I mean, I know they're happy to see me and all but seriously? I can't even fish that well for God's sake! And while your history sounds interesting and all, don't you think I have other things to do? Like, you know, finding my mother? I've been here for how many days? And still, not even a whisper of her being here. I don't know guys, I'm just about ready to give up. These guys are just way too fucking relentless. I might as well just leave without another word. So fucking useless.

But on the other hand...maybe I like being here. Maybe I like the view of the river, the small town quality, everyone greeting you when you walk inside a store or a restaurant. They even have a nice little Japanese restaurant here. I love Japanese food. Apparently it's new and their already having a big business. However...sad news. They do not have a Starbucks here :( That alone should be enough reason for me to go away. How can anyone live without a Starbucks really? Sure, they can just go over the freakin' bridges if they wanted a Starbucks, but do people really want to go over a fucking river EVERY SINGLE day, whenever they want some nice, rich coffee? I know I don't.

Well, I suppose Tim Hortons will do for not, though Aunt Charon recommended Greentree Coffee & Tea (tea in particular) ...What the hell is Greentree?

Well I SUPPOSE it's delicious, and the locals seem to enjoy it I guess.

But nothing beats freakin' Starbucks. NOTHING.

Now that's out of the way, I actually went to church today. Now, believe it or not, I don't think church is all that bad. As long as there is singing xD But in all seriousness, I haven't been to church in months, and when I first entered that chapel. I felt...a bit guilty. I didn't even dress appropriately, and it seemed as if everyone is staring. You know that feeling? Of being the odd one out? Heh. Yeah.

Guess what they talked about today?

No, not Jesus, not revenge, not worldly obsessions.


Fucking guys know who Job is right?

The story goes on that there is this guy with seven sons and three daughters, very wealthy man. But the devil was jealous and bored apparently, so he tried to put Job's reputation as a faithful, godly man to the test by convincing God to allow him to take away everything he had. God permitted him to do so, but he could not lay a finger on Job. All his cattle were stolen, his servants burned, and his children slaughtered. Even still he praised God. So the devil got pissed and tried to get God to allow him to harm Job himself. Which God permitted as long as the devil didn't kill him. His wife tried to convince him to give up the act, and just curse God and die already (nice wife huh?), which Job refused to do. Then four of his little buddies came to have a nice little talk, and support him through this rough time of his life. Pretty much, his group of friends were trying to dishearten the guy into cursing God like a real man or something. I don't really know at this point. It was hard to listen throughout the entire service, I don't really listen to preachers that well at all. Usually I just draw during church services and sing. That's it. just doesn't appeal to me that much as it used to. I remember when I was all into it as a kid, but I suppose you can say I'm afraid of it.

Yeah, that's right, I'm afraid of becoming someone everyone will look at and go, "God, that person's insane". Or at least, I partially blame Christianity for turning my mother insane. I like to think that Slender Man just used it to get to her. I wish I could tell you guys the entire story, but I can't...I just...can't.

Anyways, I suppose you want to hear the ending right?

Well, Job was visited by the big guy himself who awarded him after he spent the entire time defending God when arguing with his friends. It's a bit confusing, but I guess defending God gave him more than he had before, way more in fact. And the guy lived and died a happy life. A bit anti-climatic I know.

Even so, that got me thinking...I don't think I can praise any God, not after this. In fact, I'm not entirely sure whether or not I still believe in God. I mean, I would like to believe in him, but all I see is the devil. A tall, black, faceless devil. And if I had any reason to still believe there was a God out there, it would be so I could give him a run for his money. Sometimes you just feel like yelling at the heavens, just to make you feel better about yourself. I suppose I'm not the only one who's suffering. We're all suffering aren't we? Like, we're all Job. How do you guys stay cheerful through all this? And can we really be cheerful for real?

I'm sick of trying to pretend damn it!

Believe me, I will find out the truth. One way or another. I think it's just about time for me to confront Aunt Charon and Uncle Tim. I'm tired of just waiting around for an opening. I'm going to find out where my mother is.

Well, they're calling me down for dinner, so I better get off. If I don't find anything here it'll all just be a waste of my time. Sorry Rebecca, sorry dad.

I know you're wondering about that video. The damn bastards took my phone. I've been searching for it everywhere on the day before I left, when I was packing my bags. Damn bastards stole it. It had everything on there. I wanted to tell you guys but...

Screw it. I'm off.

1 comment:

  1. 20 The wicked man writhes in pain all his days, through all the years that are laid up for the ruthless. 21 Terrifying sounds are in his ears; in prosperity the destroyer will come upon him. 22 He does not believe that he will return out of darkness, and he is destined for the sword. 23 He wanders abroad for bread, saying, 'Where is it?' He knows that a day of darkness is ready at his hand; 24 distress and anguish terrify him; they prevail against him, like a king prepared for battle. 25 Because he has stretched forth his hand against God, and bids defiance to the Almighty, 26 running stubbornly against him with a thick-bossed shield; 27 because he has covered his face with his fat, and gathered fat upon his loins, 28 and has lived in desolate cities, in houses which no man should inhabit, which were destined to become heaps of ruins; 29 he will not be rich, and his wealth will not endure, nor will he strike root in the earth; 30 he will not escape from darkness; the flame will dry up his shoots, and his blossom will be swept away by the wind. 31 Let him not trust in emptiness, deceiving himself; for emptiness will be his recompense. 32 It will be paid in full before his time, and his branch will not be green. 33 He will shake off his unripe grape, like the vine, and cast off his blossom, like the olive tree. 34 For the company of the godless is barren, and fire consumes the tents of bribery. 35 They conceive mischief and bring forth evil and their heart prepares deceit.