Monday, January 31, 2011

Looks like Steph already found out...

I was just debating whether I should post the news, but it seems Steph beat me to it. My mom received voice mail from Mr. Nord earlier in the afternoon. Steph I'm so sorry, I wish there's something I can do. Anything. I can come over there after school, make food and help clean. Anything. Please don't be mad at me.

You may, not want to think of this as more than a fantasy, a dream that just won't go away. You have my sympathies. You do. But there's no other possible explanation to explain this phenomenon. You said it yourself, you never researched this creature in your life. The description matches perfectly. Perhaps you should consider that this thing may be after your mother, I highly doubt your imagination could come up with something as real as this creature, as wonderful as it is. Dare I mention how unlikely it is that the TV started acting out and the lights were dimming? Unless you were high on LSD at the time, which I highly doubt. And you certainly do not fit the definition of "insane" as far as I, your friend, is concerned (although you do some crazy stuff at times). Face it Steph, this is real, and you are not alone.

I found someone who's being chased by him, just like your mom, and he is also experiencing strange dreams, just like you. There are other people too. Hundreds of them, maybe thousands. Maybe even millions. Let me repeat, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. So don't waste time being angry at me. The least you can do is accept some help, or at least accept my help. I only want to help you Steph. From what I read he can do horrible things to you if you aren't careful. Just reading these things gives me goosebumps. I don't want them happening to you.

I hope you read this Steph.

Keep holding on.

Also, it seems the Operator symbol has some sort of effect in protecting oneself from him as shown in Lucien's recent blog. But that is only one instance. If I can find more evidence of it's protective warding I'm afraid I'm going to have to suggest that you use it Steph. Just in case.

It seems it can feel pain too, which is good since it suggests he can be harmed somewhat, unfortunately he can also harm you back.
Thanks for letting me stay over I guess. But Rebecca, you're freakin' nuts if you think I'm going to believe this "Slender Man" is after me. I've read your posts, and I've seen your watchlist. Rebecca this is crazy, and it isn't helping. So just forget about Slender Man, just accept that I was hallucinating and leave it at that. I admit, I was acting kind of nuts, but whose to say I'm not as insane as my own mother? Maybe I'm just as crazy as her. Maybe they'll place me in the loony bin next huh?

Yeah, that's right internet. My mom just got committed to the psyche ward. Yeah, I'm so fucking calm right now. Apparently dad thought it was smart to take her out after she had a mental breakdown, where she started shouting religious nonsense and bothering everyone. I am so fucking calm. To make matters worse CPS had to come to my school and tell me this.THE CPS PEOPLE. And if you don't know who they are you're lucky because they are the worst group of human beings to walk the planet. My dad had to skip work because of this crap. Thank God we actually have money this time, and he has an eight day vacation in four days. THANK GOD. My dad's trying to schedule an appointment with the stinking psychiatrist that my mom's been visiting in the last five months. I hope my dad can sue his ass, because whatever the hell he's doing ain't helping much.

Freakin' balls.

By the way Rebecca, I'm getting rid of your admin permissions.

This sucks.

But hey, at least I've got accepted into a college right?

Yeah, go fucking me.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Done With Marble Hornets

Well, I fell asleep at my computer, but I have finished the videos. I'm now starting to read some of the blogs, beginning with Encyclopedia Slenderia, which seems to be where I can find the most information on this creature. That Totheark, or Masky, or whomever you call him, there seems to be others like him. The call them "Proxies", and they seem to be with Slender Man. It seems sort of a stretch, that this creature needs servants. I've never heard of a horrific being with servants....except vampires, maybe. Is Slender Man a vampire?

...No, I don't think so.

Then there's the Operator Symbol. I have never heard of this symbol in my life, but from what people are saying it seems to act as a Slender Man repellent. The problem is, others are saying it draws Slender Man to his victims. I'm not about to chance it with such inconsistencies, before I try to do that I'll need to research for whom it worked and why first. Personally, I'll do anything to keep Steph safe. She's sleeping like a baby at the moment. Usually she'd be at church right now, but I come from an agnostic family, so she got to sleep in today. After a talk with her father last night we agreed she'll be coming home after school tomorrow. My mother already said she'll be bringing her things to her home. Mr. Nord told me that meanwhile, he'll be taking his wife out for dinner tonight to ease her nerves. I wished them luck, hopefully a bit of romantic fun can aide in Mrs. Nord's recovery from her illness.

Speaking of illness, victims being hunted by the Slender Man are said to develop a "slendersickness". Now, Steph has not begun coughing as of yet, nor does she have a fever. Although...she has refused to eat her Spaghetti last night, much to my mother's dismay, and seems to feel a bit warm. Does this mean she'll get the sickness soon?

I'm beginning to think about leaving her home, just thinking about these symptoms of a victim that are being listed.

I asked Steph to bring me the dream journal that she records her dreams in, thinking that I might some of the codes or cryptic messages listed as one of the symptoms. I found nothing. However, she did post that one rather cryptic video....

I have to keep an eye on her even after she leaves so it seems.

One of the many advice that is given in these blogs is to run. It seems that's the best way to survive him. At least, according to M it is, and he seems to have evaded the creature longer than anybody else. That's good to hear, that it is possible to evade him. Although, I don't think I can convince Steph to do something like that at the moment. I don't think she would run, she doesn't even seem able. Steph wouldn't be able to survive out in the world as far as I'm concerned. It would be too much on her poor head to suggest such a thing. It's bad enough, she hallucinated saw this creature. Not to mention, her mother seems to be a victim in this as well, and I don't think Steph will want to leave her after that. The way she cried when I was trying to separate them.... Yes, it will be very difficult. But I suppose I can try if it seems so important. In the meanwhile, I'm going to research this "Operator Symbol", perhaps see if there are other ways I can fortify the house. The masks, I don't want to do. Not after watching that Totheark guy on camera. And from the looks of Marble Hornets, taping yourself doesn't seem to help much, we don't have any cameras anyhow. One of the other advices I've taken special interest to is to not accept invitations, which is what that dream Steph keeps having seems to be. I'm definitely not allowing her to go to the park now. I like H(a)unting's advice the best. Not panicking seems to be the best move we can make at the moment. There seems to be some conflict about groups, however, but I like to think it's better for me and Steph to stay together than for us to separate. Maybe later, but not now when we're all losing our heads.

It's kind of funny actually, I'm doing all of this research yet I have seen no hint of Slender Man, does he not want to target me for some reason? Was he really just a hallucination after all? What is keeping him from hunting me? What makes Steph so special? What makes her mother so special? Now that I think about it, from Steph's description it seemed to be her mother he was attacking.

Could it be that her mother knew about him before the both of us?

I'm debating whether I should do more research. But for now, I must thank the man who provided me this garden of information. Perhaps even get in touch with some other victims. See what they say. And read up on past blogs while I'm at it. Learn from the mistakes of others.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Watching Marble Hornets. Currently I'm on Entry 14. I must say, I've never felt so paranoid in my life.


I made Steph make me an admin. For plenty of reasons. Mainly a video she posted earlier that I needed to get rid of. What have I told you about putting yourself in that mindset Steph?

Well, it's not like Steph can see this anyways. She is banned from the computer until I can calm her down. She refused to leave when I came to fetch her, crying hysterically, clinging to her mother who sat there smiling in a creepy manner. I had to use force to pry her away, and she kept on asking me to kill her so she could wake up. So, she's banned from using knives as well, as a result.

She's pretty shaken up.

Until then I will be posting regularly on her condition as promised to her father.

Mr. Nord is a kind man, for a Marine. If he's as shaken up as Steph about this situation, he's really good at hiding it. He didn't seem too troubled, just concerned for his wife and child, as you'd expect from a father. I was so glad to have talked to him. To think this rough looking man had such a passion for classical literature. Steph is so lucky to have a father like him. I hated my own father.

Me and Steph are polar opposites, so to speak. She is uncertain while I know exactly what I want in life. She is timid (believe it or not) and shy, while I'm usually the one to lead a conversation along. She's an optimistic dreamer, while I'm a realist. She's stubborn, while I'm very accepting. A lot of this sounds like I'm gloating, I'm sure. But it is the simple truth that Steph has far more strength than I in certain situations. It's just in this situation things seem to not be going her way. I wish I can give you the whole story, but Steph still won't let me know what happened. She's always so...stubborn. Yes, that is the word. Poor girl. I wish I could end this all.

I recently begun researching the phenomenon known as Slender Man. A faceless man as tall as a tree, with disjointed limbs and a black suit. A bit too human sounding for my tastes, yet people seem so terrified of him. Steph refuses to look at my computer screen because she knows what I'm looking at. Instead, she's helping herself to my copy of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. I tried seeing what play she was reading but she kept on edging away. It must've been important. To say the least.

Dinner should be available soon. My own mother agreed to make Spaghetti for our dear guest who had finished her coffee awhile ago. It seemed to have calmed her for the most part, although she is still paranoid and is constantly pitching herself as if she believes she is asleep. Poor dear, whatever she saw, hallucination or not, seems to have shaken her up. But the more I research this "Slender Man", the more convinced I become that it wasn't a simple hallucination.

It's all very frightening really.

From what I've read, he has the ability to distort technology, which explains the television and the lights acting out. He can teleport, which explains him disappearing and reappearing. Only one thing doesn't quite add up; does he not target only children? Apparently he targets young adults, even forty-year-olds, but it seems rather strange. Also, he's supposed to prefer the forest, but why did he attack Mrs. Nord in her own house? Or can he leave the forest whenever he wants? From the looks of the photos of him that seems to be the case. However, I don't think Steph should consider visiting the park any longer. In fact I'd rather she forget about this silly girl altogether. It all seems so dangerous now. I know Steph won't agree with this, but it's for her own good.

Dinner's ready, got to go.

Was It In My Mind?

Or was it reality?

I don’t even know if I want to know anymore.

I can’t even remember how it happened.

It was just so sudden. I….I don’t even want to talk about it, but I have to. No, I need to. I need to know whether or not I’m actually crazy and this is actually some real shit. I know I shouldn’t expect anything, but this is just too…I don’t know…it’s too…




I’m sitting here…biting my freakin’ skin off. My mom’s hysterical. What the fuck is going on? Last night, my mom was perfectly fine! Perfectly normal, perfectly happy! She was watching cartoons with the kids, she didn’t even care, she was happy. I was happy that she was happy. It was just nice, family bonding time. Then the freakin’ TV cut out, mom goes nuts. Next thing I know, this THING. This…weird…tall…FACELESS THING, appears out of FREAKIN’ NOWHERE. And I saw it for, what? A second? Before it freakin’ disappears, REAPPEARS CLOSER. Now the lights start blinking, and the kids start crying their asses off. I was sitting there, mouth gaped open, trying to scream, I wanted to scream. No sound came out of my mouth, but I could hear my mom scream just fine. And I didn’t do a fucking thing as the creature edged closer to her, before disappearing AGAIN. The TV came on again, but the sound was all jumbled, damn kids were balling their eyes out. And I just sat there.

I think I was crying too. In fact I’m pretty sure I was crying. I was pretty fucking terrified. I think I pissed in my pants, I have no fucking clue. I was scared as shit. The thing disappeared, reappeared again, but now was right in front of my mom, ready to eat her head off. Its face was now DEFORMED, or maybe it was still faceless and I thought it was deformed. THAT FACE PLAYS TRICKS WITH YOUR FREAKIN’ HEAD.



WHAT IS….that thing. Please tell me what it was. Was it a demon, and an angel, a ghost, a flippin’ fairy?

I want to know…

I want to know that I’m not dreaming, Rebecca…

I want to know that you’re all real…

My mom.

She keeps screaming.



I can’t deal with this. It's too much…

Friday, January 28, 2011

isss iit goone iss itt goonee oo goof whatt wass thhatn thgiing myy hadns are shakking soerry imm ksidnd of scaredd

pplllesase tekkkl mee that wasn;t real

pleasse telll mee i wass n=imaginaing thinnsgs

rebedcca hellpe


Success! (Dream Journal #5)

I've done it!

My first lucid dream!

Even if it wasn't really for that long and I still kind of jumped around!

I've done it!

Heeeeelll yes!

As you can tell, I forgot to shade in my excitement. But who the hell cares!



I should really stop now.

...Yeah, I should really tell you guys (and by "you guys", I mean Rebecca) about the dream....

I was back at the bridge, but much to my disappointment the girl wasn't there. In her place sat a dog, a golden retriever to be exact. He was so cute, wagging his fluffy tail, smiling at me. Suddenly for some reason I checked the time (did I ever mention I'm a time fanatic? I always need to check my watch), and I was like, you know, it's cool. Didn't really think anything of it. Then I was like, "wait", and checked the time again. The numbers were so screwed up I almost panicked and woke up, until I remembered the number one rule of lucid dreaming is to not panic. So I calmed myself down, told myself it was only a dream, so of course crazy stuff's gonna happen. The golden retriever was still there even after all that, it would not go away. It just stood there, doing that head tilt thing. I tried walking away, but always felt compelled to come back to it. Even when lucid dreaming I don't have full control over my dreams. Hmmm....

So eventually I gave in, and asked the dog what the heck it wanted, and it just took off. I had to chase after it, with a couple of dream shortcuts here and there (actually, I have no idea how to use those, plus I got lost once or twice, that weird dog always managed to find me, how does that happen?). He lead me away from the bridge, down this long, windy path (Rebecca, please don't make any Beatles references). Eventually we reached this weird black door (the one pictured in the above picture, only it's black) with a small sapling next to it. The dog stopped next to it, and began waiting. Naturally I thought he wanted me to open the door, but before I could do bloody ANYTHING this freakin' basketball came out of nowhere and hit me in the back of the knee. Excuse me for my French, but WHAT THE FUCK?

Thanks for the wake up call I didn't need :|

Mom's relaxing at the moment, I convinced her to watch TV. She's currently watching the cook for the British queen make some weird chocolate/nuts thing. Yeah...weird. But at least she's happy, and that's all that matters. We also got our taxes back :D


I'm so happy.

Reading some New York Times :3 It feels good to be a yankee.

Tomorrow, I may go to the park, not too sure at the moment...

I'll think about it once I'm done with this here paper. Because the news is the most important thing ever and you better believe it :P (No, not really)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Long Day

Black Swan was....errrr....interesting. WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME THERE WAS LESBIAN SEX IN IT? *shudders* Not again. Not again. And Rebecca didn't seem bothered at all. I'm starting to think she's secretly a lesbian. But if that's the case...DID SHE HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME THIS ENTIRE TIME?

....No...that's just stupid. Plus I don't really want to think about that right now. It's bad enough I've never had a boyfriend in my life. I wouldn't know how to deal with having a girlfriend. Not to mention I'm straight...or at least I think I am.

Let's just say I'm leaning towards bi-curious and leave it at that. God.

After the movie we went to Starbucks as planned, and surprise, surprise Frank was there. With another boyfriend. *facepalm* I swear, that guy gets a new boyfriend every week, but I'm not going to judge him. Much. He actually offered to buy us all drinks, which is surprising because he is sort of conceited. But whatever, I wasn't complaining! I still have the taste of honey and cinnamon flavored mocha in my mouth! Frank was right, that stuff is good! I might even buy it every day before going to school (if I had the money, that is, I'm flat broke). We had a very nice talk with his friends about public transportation. Frank had to mention the time I got off at the wrong station. I....I don't want to talk about it. Once we got to zombiefied monkeys, Frank ended the conversation and left to go visit a "friend's house". Yeah, because I totally believed him for a second. My theory is that he was planning on getting drunk that night.

Only Frank!

Rebecca and I FINALLY got some time to ourselves, and she immediately started talking about mom. Her reasoning is that in order to help cure her we had to know what drove her over the edge in the first place. So she gave me the longest interview I ever had, and I must say it was one of the hardest. I felt pretty bad about relying this entire episode to her, and as much as I would love to share this with the world, I just can't. I trust Rebecca enough to do the same. It's just...hopeless. Hopeless! I couldn't even do anything either. And now as it seems we're low on money until the taxes come back. WHEN? Today? Tomorrow? Monday? Ugh, I can't take this any longer. Luckily, Rebecca was understanding throughout the entire thing. It's good to know that you have friends who will always be there for you. I really don't know what I'll do without Rebecca sometimes. She suggested that I do whatever I can to help mom relax, and keep an eye on her at all times. Watching TV seems to work for her, so I'll start doing that. In the meant time, Rebecca has this theory that mom has a split personality. It sounds kind of crazy to me, but it does explain why she's not the same mom I used to know, and her "episodes". Honestly, if there's a way to get rid of one personality and just have the old one, that'll be great. Rebecca advised me against this though, she said something about how the other personality is apart of my mom or something like that. I can't really remember. I just hope she gets better...

Rebecca also told me that I should go back to the park some time soon, and start exploring a bit, try to get a feel for my childhood. Literally "walking down memory lane". She seems to think that this will somehow spark lost memories that might aide in discovering the identity of that girl. I don't think it'll work, but we'll see. On the other hand, she might in fact be just some random girl on the street, so Rebecca told me to study the faces of everyone I meet on my daily routes. Yeah, the whole park theory is starting to make more sense than that. I'm pretty sure I feel better just doing that. For now Rebecca advised me against speaking to her based off of the events of the last dream.

Honestly, that looks like the best thing I can do right now.

I saw that Rebecca had a small notebook with her before we left the coffee shop. She better not have been taking notes of me.

Rebecca seems to think she's going to become some sort of psychiatrist when she grows up. Want to know what I think? She should really stick to dancing. Psychiatry won't work out for her.
I'll be leaving soon to meet Rebecca at her house, we're going to be going out to watch Black Swan since Rebecca still hasn't seen it. From what she heard about it, she thinks it will be a great opportunity to address lights and darks (whatever that means), but I think she's just in it for the Swan Lake. Since she's a, you know, dancer and all. Afterwords we'll be going to the Starbucks downtown to discuss mom, and that weird girl. She tells me it's "very important that you understand the predicament you're in".

Yeah, yeah. Like living with absolutely no money for an entire week didn't give our family the hint.

Frank called a while ago, said something came up so he won't be able to do my hair. I was looking forward to getting a new hair do too. Kind of lame. Hopefully we can work something out, since he did say he's still going to try to do it. At least before the prom.

I don't even know if I want to go to the prom this year.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Dream Journal #4 (Her Again)

Haha! Success! I managed to dream about her again! That's a start right? Pretty soon, we'll be having conversations, and I'll be building giant sand blocks from building small sand blocks, and knock those and the giant ones down at the same time! Yeah!

...Sorry, but this is just so exciting!

And the best part is...

I know, it's awesome. Problem is I could hardly hear her. What did she sound like...? ....It was kind of like the wind, her voice; soft, subtle. But I did pick up a couple of words: "Waiting...wants you...stay here, together...park...trees...back...scared..." As you can tell, this makes absolutely no sense. We were in the park again, that much I knew. This time, we were on a bridge, over the creek. She was just standing there, looking at a bunch of fishermen at the falls before she spoke. For a moment, I was afraid she was going to fall again. It sure looked like it. I mean, it really did look like she was slipping through the fence itself. Bah, I don't know.

So, I was dumb and forgot all about lucid dreaming, but it seemed like my dream knew exactly what I wanted to do, because I felt myself drawing nearer to her. Unfortunately she didn't become any louder, just that same soft, gentle voice. I came closer regardless, and I was becoming kind of nervous. I had this sudden surge of terror all of the sudden. It felt like I needed to get out of there, right at that second. I tried screaming at myself to stop, but I wasn't able to control my body. At all. The nearer I went, the more prominent the feeling became. Then, I reach out towards her again, this time I could touch her, and she turned around and...

Oh God.

I woke up immediately, the sheer shock of...

At least she spoke, right? Maybe I can try to work out what the words meant. Although it really seems like a bunch of random stuff, since it was a dream and all. Rebecca, what do you think?

Mom's watching TV right now. Apparently her head hurts real bad, that and she's starting to act nuts again. She's been real forgetful lately. Right now it's just me and her since my dad is at work and my siblings are at school.

It's kind of awkward.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


There is no better word for the amount of suck I witnessed while taking my Trig Exam today. Total Balls. I couldn't remember half of the stuff on there, so I pretty much had to improvise using what I did know.



On a much lighter note, I saw Amish people at a train station today :D

Totally made my entire day right there. What made it so hilarious is the fact that some lady behind me was yapping up a storm complaining about them being there xD I was like, God lady, chill. She just kept on complaining.

That infection from yesterday is completely gone now (thank God). And now I don't even feel pain anymore. So that means I get to keep my fingers for another day? Yes? Awesome!

Now that I'm done with Math for the rest of the year (HA! I wish), I shall spend the rest of this weekend doing absolutely nothing!

Except sleep!

Expect to hear more of my adventures in Dreamland. I'm totally planning on lucid dreaming for the rest of this week.
Well, I'm leaving to take my exam in a few minutes.


I am so going to fail.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Roller Coaster Ride

No, not the song.

Today started out as kind of a sucky day. Like really. Went to school, it was as cold as fuck, with this big green blob on my finger. Turns out I had an infection, and was dumb enough to not tell anybody. God, I'm so dumb... And that's not all, I was supposed to finish the shirt I was doing for Fashion and Design, the one that my passing grade hangs on. What do I do? I lose the freakin' pass my teacher gave to me so I could go to her room during fourth period, leading to some awkward situations in Participation in Government. Ugh, stupid, stupid. As it turns out, since we're having a Trigonometry exam tomorrow and all...oh, you won't believe this....

Our math teacher wasn't here. My bet is he was home sick. Which kind of sucks. Out of all days, nature had to choose this one day before we had to challenge the exam for him to not be here.


But yeah, during lunch my friends noticed my infection and my health teacher (who was doing lunch duty at the time) told me to go to the nurse. It just so happened that after lunch I had my Art History test, which I was totally unprepared for. The nurse didn't do anything to help me, all she did was soak my hand in soap. Yeah, like that'll help. I went back to class with only ten minutes left to complete the test, I didn't freakin' complete it. At least one of the girls was nice enough to offer me a cupcake for free. She's in the same Fashion and Design class as me. She's so nice :3 I guess that's when my day started brightening up, I didn't have the time I needed to finish my picture for Studio in Drawing class but my teacher was nice enough to let me finish it over regents week.

And guess what? As I walked outside into the cold frost, I just gave my finger a tight squeeze and the infection was gone. Just like that. It was just a little puss inside my skin, easily taken cared of. And my nurse told me it was major and I needed a doctor to handle it...HAHAHAHAHA! They were all just worried about stupid insurance. And then there was that creepy guy who started talking about how pretty I looked.



Random people on the street. They make me happy ya know? :|

Mom's doing better now, finally got her in the shower, and she seems pretty lucid (I feel weird using this word in that context). Yesterday was probably just another one of her "episodes". Apparently she's schizophrenic, or Bipolar, or both. I don't really know with these psychiatrists anymore. Rebecca, I would totally love to tell what's up, but I'm just not ready to. You'll understand. Maybe in the future, when I'm not being overburdened by anything. Luckily my dad's off today, so that means help with the cooking (yay!) We're making meatloaf.

It will be delicious.

Totally looking forward to the regents exam tomorrow!


No. Not really.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

And now my mom's pointing at the window. What the heck is over there that she's so afraid of?

I'm worried (Dream Journal #3)

Mom's been acted weird today... She keeps on bursting out into song at random moments. It's like, out of nowhere, I've noticed she hasn't been acting herself on other days as well. I'm really worried about her. And the thing is...this are all children songs. The sort they would sing in school. Like the ABC song for example; she sang it so fast, I was amazed she got every letter right. And her voice, oh God her voice. It was so high. It was never that high before. And on Friday, she was standing as if she could topple over at any time. I had to push her on her feet at times, and convince her to sit down. She's getting worse. She's always telling me that she's afraid of the CPS coming in and taking us away. I swear, if I hear their name again I'll scream. I keep telling her that we're not going anywhere, but she won't listen. She's always looking out the window, every few seconds. It's really getting out of hand. I don't want to see her do anything that will bring harm to her life.'

We need her.

Dad needs her.

If she goes away, we won't know what to do with ourselves. I don't want her going back to the psyche ward. Not again.


I had another weird dream last night.

This one had my mom in it.

We were inside a house that's like the house we're in now, only different. It was designed as one long vertical structure with only one floor. Every room only had two doors. One door lead to a room behind or a room in front. All of the rooms were the normal rooms found in a house. Every part of this house was familiar in some way, yet I was never in a house like this. It felt strange. One room was like a mix between a living room and a computer room. But I only remember the living room part of it. The walls were yellow, and the ground was carpeted. Mom was sitting in a black couch, it was a couch we always had since I was a little kid. My family carried it with them everywhere the went. We used to have two of these couches, but mom threw out one of them. Don't ask me why, because I have absolutely no idea. Above the couch, on the wall, was an old painting. It was a painting given to us by my grandmother on my mom's side. I wish I could show you it, but mom threw that out too. She said it was evil.

It was a nice painting too. It portrayed a horse pulling a cart on a pathway through the woods. I think there were other people there too, I'm not to sure. But I'm pretty certain it was in a park.

I have no idea why mom would think it was evil.

Anyways, there was this sliding door thing, you know, the glass ones. I remember we used to live in a house like this, only the sliding door lead to our backyard. Actually...we lived in two houses like this. However, there was no backyard outside, but our old apartment. The one we used to live in before moving to the house we're in now. It was a blue apartment, that was old and run-down. The lights didn't work in the bathroom and the shower sucked. I think we had termites, because there were holes all over the walls in the bathroom, and this one big hole in my parents bedroom. Apparently there used to be a window there (the apartment also used to have a fireplace, but that was covered up). Then, there were the cracks everywhere, the mice in the basement. The foundation was kind of lopsided too. It sucked (just like the house we live in right now kind of sucks, funny how that happens). My mother was sitting in her couch, across from the window, her face blank and devoid of emotion. The dream ended after we left that house, and went back to the apartment.

But why?

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Dream Journal #2

Rebecca, I did what you told me to do and talked with the teacher. She's going to allow me to come during regents week to work on my shirt design. If I finish it, I'll make sure to show you. She was actually kind of nice about it...sort of. On the other hand, I got a 92 in Participation in Government. I'm so happy it's not even funny! I wonder what I got in Trig though...I still need to challenge the exam on Tuesday (and pass). Here's to wishing I finally get out of that class. I hate math. So much.

One of my friends is supposed to come do my hair since it's kind of tangled. Either next week or this weekend; I can't freakin' wait! He won't even tell me what he's going to do, I'm kind of, sort of nervous. Just a little bit. He experiments on hair ALL THE TIME. Most of his "experiments" can seem kind of wacky. But he is good, so..

Ah, who am I kidding?!

I'll upload a pic when I'm done for you Rebecca :D

I also got another dream for you! This one's weird.

I was in the park again, I could tell because I recognized a cliff that was over the creek. There was snow on the ground this time, yet I didn't feel anything, no coldness, no warmth...just nothing. Ahead I could see this girl who was obviously cold. I could see her shivering as she looked over the cliff. I tried calling out her name, but she couldn't hear me, or wasn't listening, I don't know which. But she was so familiar it killed me. I wanted to know who this girl was, so I walked up to her, hand outstretched.

And she fell.

That was the end of it, the dream ended before I can do anything else. I couldn't even save her, I just.

I woke up crying this morning.

P.S. I watched Rebo! The Genetic Opera after begging my dad to get for me. The guy who's going to do my hair showed me one of their songs and I fell in love. It's a pretty good movie, I hated Shiloh though, she just seemed like a stereotypical teenaged brat. I actually couldn't care if she was infected, which is sad. Her father was more sympathetic than her. At least the Graverobber was awesome. Seriously that guy was as sexy as hell :3

Watch it. You won't regret it!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Dream Journal #1

As Rebecca already knows, I was always interested in lucid dreaming. Call me crazy, but the idea of doing whatever you want within a dream, it just seems so cool to me. Dreamland always seemed much better than the real world anyways. It was always a place I could escape to, even during the day. My mom (when she was my mom), used to worry herself over this when I was a kid. She thought there was something wrong with me, I'll never understand it. Really, all I did was daydream during school hours, every kid does it right?

But that wasn't enough.

I want to be able to experience a real dream, and actually control that dream. Kind of like Inception. Only without the sedation chemicals and implanting of dangerous ideas and all that. Seriously, some points in that movie were downright scary. I wonder if my consciousness is as malevolent as Mr. Cobb. Mal is freakin' effed up!

I started researching lucid dreaming about a week ago. I'm currently in the dream recall stage, I can't seem to be able to recall dreams by myself unfortunately, but I did manage to buy myself an extra sketchbook on Sunday. Just writing out my dream doesn't do it for me, so I decided to go with the art. Fitting, yes? I was kind of hoping I would have a dream on Monday but didn't. Actually, I didn't dream at all this week except for yesterday. I have the picture and everything.

I'm such a great artist right?

Come on, you know it's true (haha).

But enough talk about my art, let me see if I can remember some details of my dream...


Alright, so I was swinging in my dream, which was weird since I was talking about swinging just two days ago. I don't know why I dreamed about swinging on a rope though. Although I did get to swing on the rope in gym class yesterday. It was awesome too, because the rope was just like that. Or gym teacher helped tie it for us. One of the guys, Dennis, pushed me too hard. I'm telling you, I was screaming. Anyways, in my dream, I was swinging on this rope swing, and I was in the park. I can't remember what the park looked like, but it seemed vaguely familiar. I didn't know why, it just did. I remember wanting to swing higher, and higher, and before I knew it the park disappeared from underneath me, and all I could see was the blue sky and some clouds. Higher and higher I swung, until I was way over the Earth's atmosphere. It felt so blissful, being in space. The moon was right above me, just one more strong swing and I knew I could touch it. I don't know if I touched it or not, that part is very fuzzy. According to the picture I did. The last thing I remember before waking up was the knot becoming loosened, and falling.

I'm supposed to be taking note of reoccurring signs in my own dreams. Somehow I feel like I'll be in this park a lot, call it a hunch. But I'm usually right about this stuff, although Rebecca would probably say otherwise. I can't wait until I'm able to actually lucid dream, but for now I'm going to take it slow. I don't want to end up like Mr. Cobb now!

Now all I got to do is wait for Rebecca to try and interpret this dream (haha).

P.S. As it turns out, I'm not the only one out there with a crazy mom. Had an interesting talk with my Participation in Government teacher yesterday about a girl who takes care of her family because her mother is having "problems". They don't even have a house, they live in a train station! It's so sad. I really want to meet this girl now.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I told Rebecca about this blog…

Oh God, I gave her the URL and everything. Now she’s going to make an account, and start pestering me, isn't she? WHY did I tell her about this blog again? Oh right, she kept on bothering me about during lunch. I didn’t even get to finish my chicken sandwich either. The fact we have only twenty minutes to eat is idiotic alone. Well, I suppose it won’t be any trouble, I guess. It’s not like she’s going to tell the entire school my deepest darkest secrets, unlike some people. I’m looking at you Jeremy. Besides, this should be fun. Two best friends following each other on the internet...

Yeah, it should totally be fun.


Other than the stupid midterm exam and my Art History teacher PMSing for the hundredth time in a roll, today was an okay day. I managed to get one teacher to finally finish a recommendation letter for me. Now all I need to do is visit the guidance office tomorrow and turn in my application. I got accepted into one college so far, but too bad it’s local. Hopefully this college will accept me, because otherwise I have no idea what to do. Rebecca tells me I’m too obsessed with this college thing, which I call bull. I just care about my future, that’s all. I mean, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life stuck in a city I don’t even like. There’s no magic, no excitement in that.

I should probably start cooking soon. Hot dogs today, ya know? I happen to like making hot dogs; they’re so easy and quick. Just put them on the stove, and presto! Nice brown hot dogs. I do tend to burn them a lot, but that’s okay, people still eat them. Or at least they better eat them. I’m usually the one to cook the food in my family, now that my mom is sick. She’s actually been sick for awhile…I don’t want to talk about it too much. It’s alright though, really. She just needs some time and she’ll get better. In the meantime I’m more than okay with doing the tough jobs around the house when dad’s at work. Somebody’s got to do it. I’m just the person for the job, mostly because I’m the only person for the job.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Yeah, Rebecca

You’re probably wondering who she is. Really she’s just a friend of mine, but she’s also the best friend I ever had. We knew each other ever since we were both in the second grade at a park. I was swinging on the swings, enjoying the feeling of the wind through my hair. Swinging is my favorite park activity ya know? There’s just something swinging through the air that gives you the feeling of flying. I used to believe I was the best swinger in the playground until I met Rebecca. I didn’t notice her at first, but then I looked to the left of me and lo and behold there was a girl there swinging higher than me! I still remember that sly grin on her face. It irked me so I challenged her to a contest to see who could swing the highest. She won. But I’m over that now. I can’t even remember feeling angry and jealous. We’re friends now aren’t we?

Anyways, Rebecca was the one who suggested I made this blog. Apparently she thought I needed to become more open and thought a blog was the best way to do so. It’s kind of weird…but whatever. So, here I am opening myself up to complete strangers, surprisingly it’s not as embarrassing as I thought it would be. In fact, I don’t feel as shy now. I don’t know why I was holding it off until now. I guess I was a little bit paranoid. I mean, would you want to share your deepest secrets with the world? ….Although, when I was typing out the last post, it felt like I can share anything, like this was my little journal. Yeah, that’s it! It’s almost like a little journal...only on the internet. Yeah. Oh God, this sounds so silly, I think I’m becoming shy again. Haha. Rebecca, just wait until school on Tuesday.

Hmm, I wonder if she’s reading this right now. That would be kind of weird.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


Hello, internet. It feels a bit weird, writing this blog. I mean, it’s not like I have anything else to do. It’s not that I don’t have any friends, it’s just nobody really invites me anywhere…or I don’t ask. I guess you can say I’m kind of shy…

Ahem, anyways, what should I say in order to let folks get to know me better…? Well, I guess I can start with my name.
Hi, I’m Stephanie, but most people call me Steph. I am a senior in high school, and I’m currently looking to go to college out of state. Seriously, New York sucks. I’m hoping to go west to California. It’s a bit far I know, but hey, dream big ya know? Heh, yeah, I’m a bit of an optimist as you can tell. A lot of people like to tease me about it. I think they’re just jealous. I don’t like to brag, but I’m a bit of a kick-ass artist. Although…I admit, I still have long ways to go. Hopefully college will help me in that matter, if not, well, a little bit of experimentation never hurt anyone! My biggest dream is to one day work for an animation company. Pretty awesome right? There’s no better job in the world than doing nothing than draw all day, even if it means drawing the same stupid thing over and over again. I have a bunch of sketchbooks from the last four years, and a ton of ideas in my head for characters. I think I’m pretty much cut out for this stuff.

Wow, did I just type all that?...

Rebecca was right, these things do help you become more confident!