Sunday, January 23, 2011

I'm worried (Dream Journal #3)

Mom's been acted weird today... She keeps on bursting out into song at random moments. It's like, out of nowhere, I've noticed she hasn't been acting herself on other days as well. I'm really worried about her. And the thing is...this are all children songs. The sort they would sing in school. Like the ABC song for example; she sang it so fast, I was amazed she got every letter right. And her voice, oh God her voice. It was so high. It was never that high before. And on Friday, she was standing as if she could topple over at any time. I had to push her on her feet at times, and convince her to sit down. She's getting worse. She's always telling me that she's afraid of the CPS coming in and taking us away. I swear, if I hear their name again I'll scream. I keep telling her that we're not going anywhere, but she won't listen. She's always looking out the window, every few seconds. It's really getting out of hand. I don't want to see her do anything that will bring harm to her life.'

We need her.

Dad needs her.

If she goes away, we won't know what to do with ourselves. I don't want her going back to the psyche ward. Not again.


I had another weird dream last night.

This one had my mom in it.

We were inside a house that's like the house we're in now, only different. It was designed as one long vertical structure with only one floor. Every room only had two doors. One door lead to a room behind or a room in front. All of the rooms were the normal rooms found in a house. Every part of this house was familiar in some way, yet I was never in a house like this. It felt strange. One room was like a mix between a living room and a computer room. But I only remember the living room part of it. The walls were yellow, and the ground was carpeted. Mom was sitting in a black couch, it was a couch we always had since I was a little kid. My family carried it with them everywhere the went. We used to have two of these couches, but mom threw out one of them. Don't ask me why, because I have absolutely no idea. Above the couch, on the wall, was an old painting. It was a painting given to us by my grandmother on my mom's side. I wish I could show you it, but mom threw that out too. She said it was evil.

It was a nice painting too. It portrayed a horse pulling a cart on a pathway through the woods. I think there were other people there too, I'm not to sure. But I'm pretty certain it was in a park.

I have no idea why mom would think it was evil.

Anyways, there was this sliding door thing, you know, the glass ones. I remember we used to live in a house like this, only the sliding door lead to our backyard. Actually...we lived in two houses like this. However, there was no backyard outside, but our old apartment. The one we used to live in before moving to the house we're in now. It was a blue apartment, that was old and run-down. The lights didn't work in the bathroom and the shower sucked. I think we had termites, because there were holes all over the walls in the bathroom, and this one big hole in my parents bedroom. Apparently there used to be a window there (the apartment also used to have a fireplace, but that was covered up). Then, there were the cracks everywhere, the mice in the basement. The foundation was kind of lopsided too. It sucked (just like the house we live in right now kind of sucks, funny how that happens). My mother was sitting in her couch, across from the window, her face blank and devoid of emotion. The dream ended after we left that house, and went back to the apartment.

But why?

1 comment:

  1. What happened that you're not telling me, Steph?

    Living rooms commonly represent who you are and how you portray yourself to others in dreams. Most of who you are right now is associated with your mom, and your past. That apartment could very well be that past and your dream is trying to tell you something. The color yellow in the room suggests that you need to use your mind. You are nervous. About what? Your mom? About leaving your mom? You want things to go back to the way they are, so you feel this room with ghosts of the past?

    Your dream is trying to tell you something, Steph. It's telling you that you should leave all this behind you and go on to the new.

    That's what your dream is telling you, but I'm starting to fear that this is easier said then done.

    Steph, you've got to tell me what happened.