Long Day

Black Swan was....errrr....interesting. WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME THERE WAS LESBIAN SEX IN IT? *shudders* Not again. Not again. And Rebecca didn't seem bothered at all. I'm starting to think she's secretly a lesbian. But if that's the case...DID SHE HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME THIS ENTIRE TIME?

....No...that's just stupid. Plus I don't really want to think about that right now. It's bad enough I've never had a boyfriend in my life. I wouldn't know how to deal with having a girlfriend. Not to mention I'm straight...or at least I think I am.

Let's just say I'm leaning towards bi-curious and leave it at that. God.

After the movie we went to Starbucks as planned, and surprise, surprise Frank was there. With another boyfriend. *facepalm* I swear, that guy gets a new boyfriend every week, but I'm not going to judge him. Much. He actually offered to buy us all drinks, which is surprising because he is sort of conceited. But whatever, I wasn't complaining! I still have the taste of honey and cinnamon flavored mocha in my mouth! Frank was right, that stuff is good! I might even buy it every day before going to school (if I had the money, that is, I'm flat broke). We had a very nice talk with his friends about public transportation. Frank had to mention the time I got off at the wrong station. I....I don't want to talk about it. Once we got to zombiefied monkeys, Frank ended the conversation and left to go visit a "friend's house". Yeah, because I totally believed him for a second. My theory is that he was planning on getting drunk that night.

Only Frank!

Rebecca and I FINALLY got some time to ourselves, and she immediately started talking about mom. Her reasoning is that in order to help cure her we had to know what drove her over the edge in the first place. So she gave me the longest interview I ever had, and I must say it was one of the hardest. I felt pretty bad about relying this entire episode to her, and as much as I would love to share this with the world, I just can't. I trust Rebecca enough to do the same. It's just...hopeless. Hopeless! I couldn't even do anything either. And now as it seems we're low on money until the taxes come back. WHEN? Today? Tomorrow? Monday? Ugh, I can't take this any longer. Luckily, Rebecca was understanding throughout the entire thing. It's good to know that you have friends who will always be there for you. I really don't know what I'll do without Rebecca sometimes. She suggested that I do whatever I can to help mom relax, and keep an eye on her at all times. Watching TV seems to work for her, so I'll start doing that. In the meant time, Rebecca has this theory that mom has a split personality. It sounds kind of crazy to me, but it does explain why she's not the same mom I used to know, and her "episodes". Honestly, if there's a way to get rid of one personality and just have the old one, that'll be great. Rebecca advised me against this though, she said something about how the other personality is apart of my mom or something like that. I can't really remember. I just hope she gets better...

Rebecca also told me that I should go back to the park some time soon, and start exploring a bit, try to get a feel for my childhood. Literally "walking down memory lane". She seems to think that this will somehow spark lost memories that might aide in discovering the identity of that girl. I don't think it'll work, but we'll see. On the other hand, she might in fact be just some random girl on the street, so Rebecca told me to study the faces of everyone I meet on my daily routes. Yeah, the whole park theory is starting to make more sense than that. I'm pretty sure I feel better just doing that. For now Rebecca advised me against speaking to her based off of the events of the last dream.

Honestly, that looks like the best thing I can do right now.

I saw that Rebecca had a small notebook with her before we left the coffee shop. She better not have been taking notes of me.

Rebecca seems to think she's going to become some sort of psychiatrist when she grows up. Want to know what I think? She should really stick to dancing. Psychiatry won't work out for her.

I'll be leaving soon to meet Rebecca at her house, we're going to be going out to watch Black Swan since Rebecca still hasn't seen it. From what she heard about it, she thinks it will be a great opportunity to address lights and darks (whatever that means), but I think she's just in it for the Swan Lake. Since she's a, you know, dancer and all. Afterwords we'll be going to the Starbucks downtown to discuss mom, and that weird girl. She tells me it's "very important that you understand the predicament you're in".

Yeah, yeah. Like living with absolutely no money for an entire week didn't give our family the hint.

Frank called a while ago, said something came up so he won't be able to do my hair. I was looking forward to getting a new hair do too. Kind of lame. Hopefully we can work something out, since he did say he's still going to try to do it. At least before the prom.

I don't even know if I want to go to the prom this year.

Yeah, Rebecca

You’re probably wondering who she is. Really she’s just a friend of mine, but she’s also the best friend I ever had. We knew each other ever since we were both in the second grade at a park. I was swinging on the swings, enjoying the feeling of the wind through my hair. Swinging is my favorite park activity ya know? There’s just something swinging through the air that gives you the feeling of flying. I used to believe I was the best swinger in the playground until I met Rebecca. I didn’t notice her at first, but then I looked to the left of me and lo and behold there was a girl there swinging higher than me! I still remember that sly grin on her face. It irked me so I challenged her to a contest to see who could swing the highest. She won. But I’m over that now. I can’t even remember feeling angry and jealous. We’re friends now aren’t we?

Anyways, Rebecca was the one who suggested I made this blog. Apparently she thought I needed to become more open and thought a blog was the best way to do so. It’s kind of weird…but whatever. So, here I am opening myself up to complete strangers, surprisingly it’s not as embarrassing as I thought it would be. In fact, I don’t feel as shy now. I don’t know why I was holding it off until now. I guess I was a little bit paranoid. I mean, would you want to share your deepest secrets with the world? ….Although, when I was typing out the last post, it felt like I can share anything, like this was my little journal. Yeah, that’s it! It’s almost like a little journal...only on the internet. Yeah. Oh God, this sounds so silly, I think I’m becoming shy again. Haha. Rebecca, just wait until school on Tuesday.

Hmm, I wonder if she’s reading this right now. That would be kind of weird.