I Want To Run, I'm Going To Run

It isn't safe here anymore. He wants to me to leave, IT wants me to leave. Otherwise....We're all gonna die. Especially you.


Everyone I know is in danger of dying, and it took a rainy funeral for me to notice that. The rain, they say it represents sadness, but it also represents change, and renewal. My gay friend was killed last week, a ruthless act of murder committed by a beast that shouldn't exist. A beast that took away from me all my hopes and dreams for tomorrow, by attacking my mom and driving her off the deep end. There's two things I love that was taken away from me, and today I learned that he can take away more if I don't do anything to stop him. The mysterious troll, the Bitch, is right, Rebecca. She is right about everything. I have to go. But first, I need someone to take care of the kids until I get back. Rebecca, I am trusting you to do this for me. You're the only one I can trust. Everything I know is a lie.

 Josh can't take care of the tots alone yet, he's only fourteen, his glory days have barely started.

Please Rebecca I need you to do this for me. And don't try to talk me out of it. He wants you dead Rebecca. He's scared of you.

I'm leaving this Wednesday, after I speak with Dr. Fitzpatrick about my mom's location. I am going to find her, and nobody's going to stop me. Insane people must stick together. When I find her, she's going to tell me the truth, and then I'm going to kill him, and everyone who ever hurt my mom. I don't even care what happens. Not after what I saw today.

I dreamt during my time in the hospital. I'm still dreaming. If I dream again, I'm going to follow the Bitch's advice and see if they're clues. I have to be having these dreams for a reason. If anything comes up I'll let you guys know.

In the meantime, I hope this rain will end soon. I hope to find that rainbow, that rainbow that Frank was to me. That all my friends are to me (don't tell anyone I'm leaving Rebecca, only you and my father should know). I hope to find that rainbow, and then find the gold that lies at the end of it. Maybe then I can wake up.

  Thank you for being there for me. And I hope you continue to interpret my dreams if I have any. Somebody has to right?

Heh.

It's raining, it's pouring
The old man is snoring
He went to bed
And pumped his head
And couldn't get up in the morning.

My Phone's Ringing.

Think I should answer it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1K7KqQy7MA

The Funeral

Okay first off, let me say something about Leon. He's not really that bad of a guy, or at least he wasn't that bad of a guy. Steph seems to think he's betrayed her. It's understandable. She was the only person who supported him other than Tiya, but Tiya's transferred to another school since last year. He's nineteen, as I already said, and still in high school. Many people aren't going to be supportive of a guy like that. Steph, surprisingly was...she feels sorry for people easily, and can come off as quite a bit trustworthy. Not anymore, it seems. She refuses to trust everybody, everybody except me, she says. I think this is all starting to get to her. She's obsessed with trolling this troll back in any way possible. She's even brought a couple of tissues with her at the funeral. I asked her why, she said it was for the troll. The Bitch.

I didn't see her at the funeral at all. I really thought she would come. It probably devastated Steph. I saw her ran off in the middle of the funeral. They were burying his ashes in a grave, and marked it by a tiny stone. It wasn't anything grand, but it did have this sort of atmosphere.

It was raining, like it's raining right now. It was raining all day actually. It's like nature knew that we were honoring the death of a wonderful, lively guy. Hm, it's funny. Just a few days ago Steph read in the paper about the Supreme Court ruling concerning Westboro Church's protest of a dead soldier's funeral. As many of you know Westboro is infamous for targeting the gay community with hate. It's no surprise that Steph was so passionate about it, she wouldn't stop going on and on about how unconstitutional it was. An army brat who has a dead gay friend...I think it struck her more sensitive areas. She was listening to Lady Gaga all day yesterday since it was the Lady Gaga concert in Buffalo. We knew at least two gay guys in our school who were going, even our Participation in Government teacher was supposed to be going. She called me crying, rambling on about how Frank was supposed to send her pictures of the concert through her phone.

I'm beginning to wonder just how much this affected her. I couldn't find her anywhere after the funeral. We had a couple people sent out to search for her in the batch of trees near the graveyard. I wasn't allowed to go with them, of course. My words did not help to woe them into letting me search. An hour went by, and she still didn't come. I was getting worried.

She finally showed up at the gate of the graveyard, fending off some unknown thing. I don't think she even noticed I was there until I had to snap her out of it. The most she had was a bloody nose, thankfully. Nothing serious happened to her. I asked her what she was thinking, running off like that. She told me, "I saw her. She was in my dreams."

"I think we knew each other."

I'm going to try talking her into posting about what happened in the forest. But right now all she's focused on is finding out who this person is.

I think she also saw Slender Man. I'm going to call her later today to check on the poor dear.

Keep holding on, love. <3

This was the best day ever.

Actually, no it wasn't. Getting yelled at by your best friend is not fun, not fun at all. I think she actually wanted to kill me for a few seconds o.o Like I knew she was going to mad, but I didn't know she would punch me a thousand times on my back. That hurts :(

The tribute to Frank wasn't as great as I hoped it would be. The music kept on cutting off at weird places, probably a download error or something. But in the end I gave Rebecca Frank's pictures and let her make a video of him. Which she did last night for me, thanks Rebecca <3 What really kills me is I talk for long, something got in my throat. I was choking over something. Food, dust? I don't know what? But I started gagging in front of everyone in the Senior class, it was embarrassing, Rebecca had to finish for me. They tried to make me go to the nurse but I was like, fuck that :| The nurse is dumb as hell. All she does is ask you if you want crackers and juice. She doesn't call anybody, she doesn't send you home if you're really sick. She knows no medical procedures; why the fuck does she still have her job?!

My school, I swear.


I was hoping I would see Leon there, but he was nowhere in sight. I wonder if he's hiding, the cowardly bastard.

Well, I'm sure the police would find him soon.

Anyways, I'm tired as hell. Nap time!

Well crap.

from ---- ---- <swinginghis@gmail.com> to Stephanie Nord <crownofdreams@gmail.com> date Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:18 AM subject Re: So, what's your game here huh? mailed-by gmail.com signed-by gmail.com

hide details 12:18 AM (1 minute ago)

then i will come to you.

- Hide quoted text -

On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:17 AM, Stephanie Nord <crownofdreams@gmail.com> wrote:
Yay, more cryptic stuff.

Sorry,  but I'm going to a funeral no thanks to your little friend or master or whatever.


On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:16 AM, ---- ---- <swinginghis@gmail.com> wrote:
the answer lies in your dreams.

you will meet me at the park this saturday.

On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:12 AM, Stephanie Nord <crownofdreams@gmail.com> wrote:

we can dance.

Oh! I know this one!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXSjIlbYklA

And hey! You actually used my name! How cute. :)

Yeah, I don't think I'll be waltzing with any of you crazy folks after that scene Rebecca witnessed. Sorry :P

Besides, I don't dance. That's Rebecca's job. And frankly I'll bet you have two left feet anyways. No wonder you're so alone that you have to convince yourself that aligning with a ten thousand foot child molester is okay. What a freak you are.

So, are you going to tell me any useful information now? Or continue to woe me (and fail) into joining this little cult thing?

On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:06 AM, ---- ---- <swinginghis@gmail.com> wrote:

this is not a joke.

he wants you stephanie.

you should have just kept the incident to yourself.

give yourself up before another friend dies.

we can dance.

On Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 12:00 AM, Stephanie Nord <crownofdreams@gmail.com> wrote:

No more interferences?

I was never aware that this was private business we're having :3

And what the fuck am I supposed to be lying about? I never dreamed once ever since I started taking that stupid pill. If I did I'll remember it. Lucid dreaming remember?

Methinks you're just avoiding the subject. Way to play the blame game :P

And Offspring! Niiiiiice.

Good to see you got some taste in music and aren't just copying off of what I already stated on my blog. Good for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DGxXhVVxtM

On Wed, Mar 2, 2011 at 11:44 PM, ---- ---- <swinginghis@gmail.com> wrote:

hehehe.

so you think you're funny.

haven't you learned anything from your friend's death?

no more interference.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_LxyhCJpsM


stop lying.

you did dream did you?

is he outside?

is he watching?


come here.

then we can speak.

On Wed, Mar 2, 2011 at 11:21 PM, Stephanie Nord <crownofdreams@gmail.com> wrote:

Why won't you talk to my friend? Afraid she's gonna find you and rip your arms out of your sockets ;D

Don't worry, I'll do that for you :)

I don't know what your deal is, but I demand some answers. Who the fuck are you, and why do you keep harassing us? What do you work for Slender Man? You think you're "the shit"? Or are you so crazy in love with me that you have to stalk my ass? Because that's cool if you are. Just don't be a bitch about it and send me some sugar, sugar.

<3

Steph.

PS. How about a game, I post a random youtube link to make me look like a cryptic ass and you do it too!

You like that don't you? Of course you do!

Here, lemme start!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppynaJ_CEE4&feature=related

Now you post a link! Isn't this fun Bitch?

Hehe.

Oops :X I think I went a little bit overboard with my bitching.


Please don't kill me Rebecca.

Sorry about not posting yesterday guys (I'm back, by the way)

I was busy....reading stuff....on this Slender Man dude. Okay, can someone say Creeperstein? How many people does this guy stalk anyways? I lost count after the tenth blog (not that I was counting in the first place). Yes, I admit, I was sort of stupid to believe that this shit wasn't real. I realize that now. But since he just killed my best friend I suppose I have no choice now don't I? I mean, what if this guy's stalking me too? I bet he's out there right now, looking out my window...

Only he's not. Heh.

I wonder why, is he busy with all of these other people? Does he follow some sort of schedule? Some people say he can travel through time and space (does this mean he's an extra dimensional alien?), Rebecca had to explain the entire thing to me, and why he managed to disappear with Frank right in front of my eyes. I'm still shaken up about that. I think about him all the time you know? I keep thinking about him, that day, and Frank. But there's always someone else there, someone watching. I know who she is, I know I see her before, but now that she's bothering my friends I want to know her name, her address, everything so I can beat the crap out of her.

Yeah, I'm mad, I'm mad as hell. But it's not Rebecca's fault, so I can't blame her. I don't even know who to blame for all this. I guess I blame myself... even though Rebecca insists that I'm not to blame. "Everyone is in the same boat, some have it worse then others". Who's everyone? The people who write the blogs and post videos on Youtube? Or everyone, everyone. You guys believe that writing about him would make him stronger right? Tulpa Effect or something? So why the hell we do it? I'm an optimist so I like to think it's a sort of confidence booster. Sure, a lot of these blogs are tragic to read, I think I cried once or twice last night. But at the same time reading the blogs touched my heart in a weird, fluttery, way. It makes me want to join them, but as Rebecca said countless times, I really can't. That is unless Josh here can learn to take care of himself. *glares*

I know where I would go if I were to run. New York City. It worked for M right? And I do live in Buffalo. So, why the hell not? I think I thought about stowing away on an airplane during my stay in the hospital... I was pretty depressed. You may not realize it with the way I act around people, but I'd like to say I cried enough to fill a pool. A small pool, not a public pool, but you get the idea. I was supposed to watch Repaul's Drag Race and be tested on it by him. But I can't do that now, I guess. I was really looking forward to it too.

We were also supposed to go to college together, in California. We both got accepted and I already sent most of my stuff in.

Fuck my life.

And to any gay/drag haters right now I want to say one thing from the bottom of my heart: Just once, can you bring yourself to have a bit of compassion? If not, well fuck you then. Everyone have a moment of silence for Frank Anthony Williams Jr.

The watermark at the beginning ruins it, but it's the thought that counts right? Sorry for stealing your picture Rebecca...

I know, it sucks, but I spent all night working on it.

The funeral is this Saturday. There's not going to be a wake. I think they're going to cremate his body and bury the ashes. Or something like that. I'm not sure what they'll do, I've never had to go to a funeral before.

Nobody close to me has died before.

I'm borrowing my mom's little black dress, she has no need for it at the moment, now that she's away. Oh right, didn't I tell you guys? They sent her away to some other hospital, the bastards. Now Dr. Fitzpatrick is completely in charge of me at the moment. I can't say whether or not he's particularly happy, but I'd say he's close to being upset. Well, at least I managed to spend some "quality time" with my mother before she left. And what did I do? I asked her the most idiotic question you could ask your sick mother. I asked her what she knew about Slender Man. Like I said, not the best idea in the world. I have never seen her so angry, I swear she was about to choke me. It's funny, I was more focused on defending myself against the white coats that were trying to restrain her as oppose to defending myself against my crazed mother. Because, she was, you know, my mother. I didn't want to see a bunch of jerks in white holding her down like that regardless of how insane she supposedly is. They make her out to be stupid. Let me tell you this, I know she knows something. Something just keeps her from saying anything, whether it be fear or something else. She started laughing immediately once they managed to hold her down, but I swear she was crying. I could see tears forming from her eyes.

They didn't let me see her again after that. But I managed to talk to Dr. Fitzpatrick about her. Guess what? Apparently he knew her from the time she was my age (actually two years younger). She always had problems, he said. She always would claim that she could see a man, stalking her day in night; on the streets, in her home, in her dreams. Apparently it all began with the death of a best friend, it drove her into a depression worse then mine (although according to him I'm handling this well, yay me). A few months later she met a guy who was supposed to comfort her, she expected him to comfort her, but it turns out he was a jerk who cheated on her and left her when he got another girl pregnant. Something along those lines. My memory's kind of hazy. Once again she went into a state of depression, almost breaking and losing her mind to grief. Church saved her, she actually told me this. Don't ask me how or why, I'm not much of a church person myself to be honest, but the hope that they gave her kept her together. Dr. Fitzpatrick told me he left her alone during those times. But then, some months after her graduation, he heard word that she had come back from boot camp in the Air Force which she planned on going to after high school (I know this because I read her yearbook from the 80s, yeah I'm such a bad girl). I asked him why she was brought back, he told me that she was suffering from psychosis at the time, and having Bi-polar like symptoms at the time. He didn't know what actually happened at the boot camp, apparently. This time it was my dad that saved her. I asked him if he ever witnessed any instances where mom went batshit insane before. He says no, but I feel like he's lying. He wouldn't look me in the face and started crying and hugging me, whispering that we would get through this together. I think that he thought I was bothered by something....

He's right, but I'm not going to tell him anything until he gives me answers. In the meantime I'm going to contact the mysterious troll (or "Bitch" as Rebecca calls her) since apparently she hates Rebecca. And who could blame her? (I'm kidding, by the way).

In the meantime I'll continue to plan for....

Yeah. I don't even think I want to watch Repaul anymore. Not even in his memory.